iPRAY

Part 1
Every night before I lay my head to sleep
I weep a little
Sadness marches up to me like a loan shark
I'm living a life indebted
I owe apologies
Thank yous
Karma
Dues
Money
Love
So I pray
I pray that all my imperfections are forgiven
I pray that my apologies are heard over the radar
I pray that god hears I am grateful
For allowing me to open my eyes to a brand new morning
I pray because  I'm going through  hell everyday
Some that you may never know of because
My heart speaks a different language
One that my tongue can not interpret
This stress weights on my shoulders  heavy
And I cant help but to smile daily
Emotions locked up in a volt
So these emotions all lay here
While I sleep
In my dreams
As I write
All the time!
God please take me out of here!!
I pray u rest in peace
He  took u away u rapidly
And I pray that those families that hurt for you godmother
Have sunshinesin the morning
I pray that you forgive me because I don't believe in religion
I don't step foot into churches
I have no faith in an organization that money launders
And I pray
And I pray that my family is kept
That my mother will stop tearing
And I pray that my bills are paid
And I pray that this world wasn't so crazy
But it is
So i pray
I do not mean to preach
After I leave my body on this earth all I have  left is my faith
I pray that every time I'm having conversations with the devil
That god drops the call
Fades the signal
Blows up the phone
But the devil is always on call waiting to suck me dry of faith
So I pray



Part 2
Every night  before I lay my head to sleep
I weep a little
 I know we won't be living forever
We must all die
And I hope my souls go not to heaven
I hope it roams the earth like a guardian angel
Gods  helper
Blessed with a halo made from stars
Harps making music of peace
I want to live inside your dreams
Plant ideas in you imagination
I want to create  inception
I wan to be a euphoric angel
Make you feel  high when you have arrived at rock bottom
Bring bright lights to the dim spirited
The angel that shines a little faith when your feeling faithless
The one that sprinkles hope when your hopeless
The one to remove the shackles off your chained mind
The angel that  "accidentally" drops your glasses of alcholic beverages when you want to binge drink
The guardian angles fading out the devils calling
I just want to be an angel
For this I pray

Following the Signs

                I have always said that God has a plan for us but we have to pay attention to the signs that he puts in front of us. Sometimes we miss the signs and other times the signs come just at the right moment .The universe has completely smacked me in the face with a calling, and I’m so glad it has happened. The calling: finally figuring out the purpose of my life. Some are blessed to know what they would like to be as early as childhood. I remember back in elementary school the teachers would always ask me where I see my self in ten years. I never knew the answer to this question. And as I got older the question became more and more confusing. And as I reached adulthood I was completely lost with out a clue in what path to take.
Growing up I would write in a diary which I kept to my self. I was not very often that I would let anyone read. I started writing when I was 16 and from there I just never stopped. My style of writing has changed over the years due to growth and maturity. It went from free writing to poetry. Up until recently I have found a new form of self expression, spoken word. I have been doing performing open mics and events on a weekly basis in hopes to perfect my skill and to keep learning. I have met some amazing poets and the community is so welcoming and warm. I have decided to take this route with my life because I rather take a route that my heart is in rather then wonder “what if“? I have realized there is more to life then working a nine to five and just making money to support myself. I see the beauty in the simple things and life without self expression is pointless. I love to inspire other people to write because I know the amazing high it creates .As I get deeper and deeper into this world, I’m loving poetry /spoken word more and more each day. Some people have said to me that they never saw me as the “writing type”. My answer to that is that I kept it hidden from the world because it was very personal to me. My poetry is based on real life personal experiences and my views on the issues of the environment around me inspiration and anything that I feel the need to express my self on.  This is a transitional time in my life; things are coming to change for the better and are falling into place. My priorities are straight and my motto is “Business before pleasure”. My vision is becoming clearer by the weeks, inspiration has become contagious. In a recent open mic I bumped into a very talented man, a veteran in the world of spoken word, the 2001 slam champion at the “Nuyoricans Post Café” by the name of Ainsley Burrows. He gave me the best advice. “When I first started there where poets who were better then me but eventually they stopped doing the open mics, I’ve learned that is all about how you dedicate yourself”‘. Everything in life comes with hard work and motivation so I’m willing to give my all to my passion. I’m intrigued by many spoken word artists who are activist who really want to make a difference in the community. Because I as well would love to make change weather it is big more small. Some of the changes I’m interested in are promoting poetry to children. The children are our future and they deserve to have the utmost exposure to creative art.
                         A very close person to me pushed me to come out of my shell. Although I was very stubborn at first he altered my life. I was blessed to cross paths with this individual because that push was necessary. I must say that I would have never taken my writing seriously or even got up on stage if it wasn’t for him I am forever grateful and thankful for this. After that sign more signs kept coming my way indicating to take this direction. I remember randomly picking up a book and I opened it and the book was about a group of high school kids who there teacher had them do open mics every Friday during class.  This was I interesting because that book had been laying around in my house for years now and I had picked it up to read it just in time .I must say that after  reading this book I was debating weather taking up spoken word or not . Another sign was when I was taking a walk in Central park. And some one had chalked into the ground “Become your dream” This was the last and final sign before I went up on stage. Being on stage has opened up new doors for me and created new opportunities. Like they say one door opens new doors. This is only the beginning of the journey .I’m looking forward and I’m excited to see what’s in store for me .To be continued..................

Black Roses

There are no answers in the mirror
Because the mirror can not reflect whats been inflicted in our hearts
Cupid upgraded and got rid of his arrows
instead hes shooting at us with guns
Bullet holes on our chest being sewed up by doves with yarns of peace
Doves who know we  are broken from the start
Like a black rose
But we are survivors
We just don't survive the day
We also make it through the night
And blessed are us black roses to be born so differently
Blessed are those woman who have been struck with tragedy
For we have risen stronger off the ground then we were yesterday
While men have picked us up and thrown us back to the ground
The wind has swept dirt on us
But we grow  a little taller towards the sun
And our petals reach out to the skies
And we have lived nightmares
But we have also lived dreams 
And in  a field of pretty colorful bright flowers
You cant avoid us
We attract like magnets
like force
While pretty flowers receive massive amounts of light
Us black roses find light within ourselves to grow
And fools are the men who think they have us fooled us
Because we are the flowers that are everlasting
Our wombs designed to bear kings and queens
because we just weren't the same as all the other flowers
The bright flowers wither
But the black roses live forever
The flower that nearly crashes and always builds itself even stronger the then the  last
With petals and stems that reach the sky every time a little higher
With out the drop there wouldn't be the stretching out to the sky
Us black roses were built that way
But men please do not  attempt to whisper sweet nothings in our ears
Our composition is much too  deep, complex and intricate for simple minded men
Who think with their simpler minds ... If you know what I mean
We are the right equation in search of the  answers
But look in to the sky
The name of every black rose is written like a star keeping the night sky lit
And constellations are images of black roses designing new love
We are the north stars that guide men
A beautiful  flower that grows with out help
We make our own rain
Our thorns are prickly because we have grown resistance to this game
So with every adversary  are thrones grow sharper
And our placentas are filled with holy water
Are children are blessed
And we shall not wait for men to put us on pedestals
We will build are own pedestals
Too high for the average man to reach
We are beyond measure
The perfect height for the right man who has the right amount off man power to want to jump that high
To the man that reaches us you are now kings
And to the man who finds a black rose
Just know that we are equilivalent to four leaf clovers
We fall asleep with teary eyes
Only to awake with bigger smiles to start new days
So the next time you cross a black rose just remember that God planted our seeds with his own two hands
And instead of using seeds he used diamonds


-Lina Gonzalez (She is Poetry)

Follow your Dreams and Never Look Back

A giant wave washed over my life like a tsunami
I saw my life get sucked into the ocean while the sun shined on the waves
Reflecting back images like a broken mirror
Bits and pieces of
Past present and future
The past mirrors back the beginning of the journey
Me inside my mother’s womb
Writing poetry on her uterus
The past showed 12 year old me taking routine trips to the library
The place I used to find peace in
The past showed16 year old me writing on diaries
Keeping secrets from the world
The present showed me speaking on this very stage
Liberating my heart like therapy
Present day me standing 56’ of the ground
So now
I take a step forward now
I know where I’m going now
I’ve reached the point of no return
There is no way I can stop here now
There’s no way I can backtrack
I don’t know how I’m getting there
I just know that I’m headed there
I’ll get there by foot
I’ll get there by flight
I’ll get there by car
I’ll do it NYC style
Hop on the iron horse
All that matters is that I’m getting there
But clearly I’m walking
I’m walking slowly
Captivated by this experience
I do not care about how long it will take
All that matters is this journey there
I’m looking back and I see my footprints on the sand
I’m straight out the water
Like a baptism
Is time for me to start living
Walking on cement
I look around at the signs
I look down and someone has a left a message for me, on black asphalt
Chalked into the ground it read
“Become your dream”
This is an epiphany
But my feet are moving a little faster now
So every step I take is a step closer
A step closer to the calling
I been waiting for this for so long on which direction to take
I Stumble
I get back up
Write a lil
I catch myself I am at war with my doubts
Pen as my weapon and paper as my shield
There is no way I’m going out like that
I write step stumble
Breathe.
Live.
The journey of following my dreams
When I’m up on this stage
 I’m looking for two things:
To pave the way of a broken dreamer
I want someone out there who can relate
Because my heart is enclosed on this page
I come here to deliver a message
Follow the crafts that you see fit for you
So how bad do I want it?
I want this as bad as helpless romantics want love
I want this as bad as fiend crave their fix
I want it as bad as we want the cure for cancer
This has to be right
Because I write to right my wrongs
And the pen accompanies me while loneliness tries and consumes me
My heavy thoughts fall unto thin pieces of paper
When I’m on this stage my walking has become a flight
I feel like I’m flying
The future
A distorted image of me standing there alone
Up and close with a microphone
Still reading from pages encrypted with the secret code to my soul
Unlocking me like therapy
An image of me making music with words
Of you dipping in and you looking though archives of my soul
I see you pulling something out
I see you relating
To my book
My peace

By Lina Gonzalez

Another one lost to the Streets

“You got a lot of living to do before you die
And you ain't got time to waste”
This a rap song about a man who was shot nine times
and flaunts being a gangsta as if it was his career choice.
A lot of gangstas die where they came from
In the streets!!
So every time you tell me to let you live
 I’m going to assume that your definition of living
 Is you killing your dreams one brain cell at a time
You rummage through the rubble like a fiend
For a couple dollars to get your fix
You have burned down this house
Every time you light a spliff
When I look at your writings on Brooklyn brick walls
I hear frequencies from the radio playing a depressing song
You’re painting a picture of insecurities
Marking your territory
‘5o”was here.
You change your self and try to fit in
 I guess you’re trying to win
But I see the sadness behind your rebellion
And you lose
Sagging your pants and becoming a an identical zombie
Dipped in polo like the rest of them
No job where is this money coming from
Listening to Wiz as he drowns out intelligence with marijuana smoke
You take steps of a giant in the wrong direction
You have exchanged books for the hood
No knowledge
This is the war between jail and college
You don’t like jail bars
But your jail bound
You tear the heart away of the woman who loved u from day one in the womb
Do you think you’re a man?
When you push your mother out the way
And shove yourself to the streets
Where did your heart go?
I really don’t know when your innocence turned into stone

I’m tired of seeing cold metal cuffs hugged up tightly to your wrists

Sadly you’re adding to the list

 Of minorities failing victims to these ghetto streets

Every Fb status  I see is followed by

“Free my boy…..”

Please that is what I want to see!

Young brother

I want you to free your self

From these chains

I want you to free yourself of the mold they put on Hispanic young men

I’m tired of putting on the news and hearing News reporters say

“A young Hispanic young man allegedly accused of illegal guns., rape robbery etc…

This list can go on

I’m tired of police asking “Was he black was he Hispanic”?

Free your selves’ young brothers

Free yourself from peer pressure

Free yourself from these restrains that keep holding you back

Free your mind with knowledge

Ignorance is not bliss

Our fathers did not leave third world countries

To raise criminals

They came here for a better life

Our people is better than that

And we are so tired of getting that call
Please pick up your son from the 75th precinct
There’s a hole in the cemetery with your name on it
Sadly we are just waiting when to put you in it
Because you’re just a couple heartbeats away from death
You say” let me live”
But you’re barely living
Half asleep half alive
Walking zombie
Because little brother your chasing your demons
Right to the grave
What’s become of your sanity?
You exchange reality for drugs
When will you stop using mathematical knowledge for drug transactions?
When will my little brother come back?
Because sometimes when the phone rings
Chills creep on me
And I fear when I pick it up
That the voice at the other end of the line
Says “ Mam your little brothers dead”
And I said it once and ill say it again
 “You got a lot of living to do before u die, and you aint got time to waste”


 By Lina Gonzalez

My First Poetry Slam

I finally had the guts to get up on stage and recite one of my pieces at the Nuyorican Poets café right here in NYC.I went to sign up for a poetry slam which is a competition amongst poets/spoken word artist. It was by far the most amazing feeling in the world. I will admit it was very nerve-racking I was worried that maybe the audience wouldn’t like my poem or maybe I would choke and mess it up or be nervous to read and freeze up there. All these doubts ran though my head.  Once I heard the host call my name up to come to the stage all these doubts instantly disappeared. I felt like it was my calling and my moment to show the world what I was about. I went up to the mic and confessed to the audience that it was my first time doing a poetry slam. I got very comfortable within an instinct. Nobody existed but me and that mic and GOD of course. I blacked out into this zone that is just explainable. I’m not sure what to call this zone but it is a place that is addicting and therapeutic all at the very same time   . My words were really flowing out from my heart and I felt it in the crowd that they were feeling me .By the end of my poem my confidence grew as well. I felt so happy getting off stage hearing everybody’s huge round of applause. Once I was done with my poem I walked back to my table of supporters. As I was walking back I was receiving love, respect and handshakes from experienced spoken word artist and telling me it I did a great job. Someone in the crowd yelled “That shyt was dope!!” lol those words were very encouraging. I even received a high score from a tough judge. When the host went back up to introduce the next poet after me he quoted one of my lines as well. I felt like I had been accepted in their world and their inspiring words and comments were a blessings to my ears .This experience was amazing. After doing it for the first time I must to do it again. Now I will grind harder with my writing and maybe win this competition with enough practice that is. I learned a little more from the experience on what not to do and what to do and I will be definitely be changing weaknesses into strengths. I am very happy with this moment in my life but I know it doesn’t stop their this still a journey I must continue in order to achieve greatness. This is only the beginning.

This blog is dedicated to poets/ writers or anyone out there that is hiding their talents. You only live once and we all have a purpose. Take steps into following your dreams whether it is big steps or little steps just always moves. Don’t let your talents go to waste. I know there are a lot of talented people put here in this world. God made us all different and planted seeds of creativity in us for a reason. There is always a calling for you, you just have to listen and pay attention. Share your talent you maybe inspiring someone else to follow in your footsteps or helping someone with your words. “Carve weakness unto the bottom of your foot and step on it with every step forward-Lina

Response to JoyRide by Ariel Lopez Soilder/Poet

 

She was my mustang and we were surpassing the speed limit

They said to quit but I was feeling better than deep hits

 Ef the joint she was my joint looking back at the bitches I passed

We were moving too fast

 And somehow while we were dipping I couldn’t take the hint to grasp the brakes

So we ended up crashing and I spent months asking

Why couldn’t I lower down the speakers that were blasting

I couldn’t hear the voices telling me she is deadly

 Now I’m readily steadily checking everyone of my "whips" engine's melody...

 Cuz not every car is faithful

So you gotta know the bolts and nuts of a bitch cuz crashing is painful..

She let me down

 No better yet it’s the other way around.

I should’ve never rushed to try out the new clutch

When speakers blasting that my stubbornness overlapping.

I was so fuking blind with love of this ride I could’ve been napping.

On lovers lane we failed each other

Sad to say that I was ready to spend more time feeling her dash then spending time with my mother..

-Ariel Lopez