This Ones for Me

Natural MDMA feelings

I’m on a dope trip

This is rebirth

In love with the sound of my hearts acceleration  

This feeling of excitement follows me recently and ever so frequently

My first breathe of air and I'm high already

This one is for the Hitler in you, creating genocide to every positive thought

Death upon a whole entirety

This one is for my skyscraper legs

My destination to the sky

Head in the clouds

Everything is mellow

This is an is ode to me and ode to you if you feel me

This one is for waking up one day and realizing you need a change

Re-evaluation

Determination

For the personal revolutions

For digging my claws into hell and reaping what I sowed

For every night we looked at the sky  and there were no stars

Just clouds that blocked our light

This is for the moon that haunted your sun

For the flames that lost their fury

For the loves that turned to dust

For the tears that turned to ice

For the abortions that turned to dollar signs

For the ones who stare at half empty glasses in unison

For the pen and paper that held me down

This one is for the knives that stabbed our backs

This one is for the devils that freelance on our shoulders

For learning to shake them off our beloved backs

This one is for the long lost gaze at the rear view mirror

This one is for the battles we have fought that left us feeling lost

This one is for the victory

This one is for a contagious smile

For the real laughter that breaks awkward silences

For the immaculate innocent that been poisoned by the hands of time

This one is for the poet of the night that is forced to feel

May your song be a symphony!

This one is for the fucking apple that started female rebellion!

Did I forget to mention this one for me?

A break from asshole boyfriends, sick parents, broke dreams, dead end jobs, bills, debt and criminal family

This ones for all the excitement of what’s to come

This shit is for all the adversary that made you, you

For creating and not destroying

For creating while destroying

This one is for a new beginning

This one is for the strength sweet God has injected into my veins

This is for every moment I have looked in the mirror and have said to myself:

“Today you will kick ass darling”!!

  

by Lina Gonzalez

The Ron and Sammie Affect

She fell in love with the enemy
He fell in love with a thief
He shot her in the heart with a gun
The beginning of the end
She stole his heart with just a graze of her lips       
She wore his heart on her own sleeves
She let her wrists bleed
He spoke a different language
One that she couldn’t read or translate
Dyslexic love ,they got it all backwards
He has it all blind   
Didn’t see the jewel in front him
She was his favorite lovely opponent
She gave his heart a beating
And he crushed her with bare hands
Tossed her to the wolves in sheep clothing
Neglected she turned into a beast
Stronger
He was no match for what he has created
In his chest lived a passion that consumed is every being
Thirsty for every ounce every drop of her
She was a fighter
He didn't fall too far behind
Set up in a ring always agasint one another
These fights lasted all night
They snapped photographs to keep the memory alive
Somebody should have warned them that this was insanity that had arrived to take over their lives
Photo albums filled with smiles of four years of denial       
She the scorpion she caught him with the stinger
He was addicted to her poisonous way
Toxins consuming his body his veins
He was the lion the king
She was in love with the pride and nobility
Fighting the same war just a different battle
His bloody knuckles
Her hurt hands
Holes in his bedroom walls   
He would scream at the top of lungs how much he hated her
But his heart would not let him hate her
He would walk away
She would run after him
Pushing doors shut in his face
He turn around
And take her with open arms
Letting the sky fall on them
Making up again
Next morning
“Im sorry , I love you we guna make it “texts would await her phone
They were opposites attached at the heart the hip and the soul
The power of love had them losing control
She questioned and questioned
He gave her no answers just a another fight
It was her fault again
Just the vicious cycle
Of another argument gone wrong
He didn't understand
She didn't know how to let go
He cried that she left him abounded and alone
Laying next to each other and feeling a million miles away
Two ticking time bombs laying in the same bed
In the night she pretend she was asleep
He would kiss her forehead and whispered “I love you so much”
But she pretend not to hear it
She cried about the naked chicks up in his email
She turn around and turn to irrelevant texts from random dudes
She had followed into his footsteps
She had learned the game
He was on the offense
She was so defensive
So much love
Too immature to realize they were guna lose it all
Love had came by
And had slipped through the cracks
The more he tried to catch it the more it slipped from his fingertips
The more she try and save it
The more it became a waste
Time spent on arguing
They had each other all figured out
They knew  which buttons they loved to press
He press PLAY......He was running the game
She press REWIND, she couldn’t take the past our her mind
They press PAUSE ... and hold each other in a hopeless embrace
Many attempts at moving FOWARD . She just could not get over it
Anger consumed these two
The  flame grew bigger
They were burning in their own hell
Stabbed  at each other in the back
Betrayal
Stab at each other in the front
Disrespect
She kept falling for the same words " I'm sorry I love you so much you just make me so angry”
The flame. grew bigger , stronger , longer, higher
They were burning in their own hell
They had both lost the fight

By Lina Gonzalez

151 Proof

How you swim with the Jack Daniels
surprises me
I cant believe your still living this life
You have survived
Not sure how you have not drowned
You are barley here anyways right
Stuck in your vortex alcohol nights
The results of drowning in Hennessy
Bite marks of last nights love affairs
Strange women undergarments lay in distant corners
Your dried up kids on motel sheets
Stumble in at late hours
With the scent of betrayal on your clothes
And the taste of lust on your lips
You have betrayed again
Fighting over and over again
Complaining she brings you down
Ironically you make  her face and the ground always meet
You have made us move to a nice spot on the corner of ROCK BOTTOM
I guess the commute to hell was just easier from there for you
Them Heinikens are the muscle to your bones
The anecdote that fuses you into a monster
To you there is no other answer
You sip, sip and chug ,chug
No end to when you stop
Im so young already wondering when will this life end?!
While you live it up carelessly
Regret consumes your mind
So you write an  apology letter
An apology letter with no moral
There is none just a thesis: “How drunk will I get this evening”
A paper stained with Johnny  walker Black Label
Smudged words you tired to read aloud in slurred language
Drunk” im sorries “followed by “ I just cant stop”
Break down into alcoholic tears
Your right you couldn’t stop
You continued to chase liquor stores instead of a happy home
And still you say your not having the time of your life
The time without your family
The time of your life has gone away
Your time is up
Your kids grown up to other dads
Your 151 proof of everything I don’t strive to be
10% sperm donor
20% wife beater
30% dead beat
40% cheater
51% alcoholic
The time of your life you being the best at your worst
Your 151 proof dad
Child hood days should have been with you
Not me reaching out through cold metal jail bars to feel your touch
Lullabies and nursery rhymes replaced by moms cries .yelling and police sirens
I should have been enjoying your piggy back rides
Not in the back of a dirty dusty police car going to visit you
You will always be part of me 151 %
I hope you have the time of your life






By Lina Gonzalez


   

The Art of Lonely Men

A woman's most prized possession is in between her legs
Loose women give it up to you with out the mare sound of a beg
Numbers of loose women's, change and condoms in your pocket
You walk around with an empty heart shaped locket
Loneliness consumes your thoughts

Adding to the growing list of all these women you have bought

Nothing compared to the one that has you caught
Up in this schizophrenia , don't know whats real
So numb you don't know how to feel
Heart locked up in a box made of steal
You replace her every night
With easy woman who's panties hit the floor with out a fight
They love you, they call out for you
You respond to their womanly fuse
This is what you do as you wait for the return of the girl you still haven't met
She has you sick , but your a dog no doc you need a vet
Perfection is what you envision
When she comes by is time to play your position
Shes a woman of a million battles and you are meant to be one of her war wounds
She will be a woman down because of you
Failure is but a figment of your imagination
Like a trickster you will trip her and then come to her salvation
And for her.. inside of you a fire burns
Shes built like a church
Beautiful on the outside
Holiness  lives inside
And you  will turn her into a wicked gargoyle of the night time
Hungover days followed by sleepless nights
A male ego tripping on his lonely pride
You continue to insert your keys in locks of doors that lead to nothing nut dead ends
Meet new ones  and your only interest is how far that ass will bend
Create problems and leave you with questions with no answer
This love shyt is starting to kill you like cancer
You send out drunk text messages before the sunrise
The biggest lie you tell in your "good guy" disguise
Now shes fucked in body and mind
You go over board with the caressing
Hide all those feelings your bench pressing
You fuck each and everyone of them pretending
That they were the love you once lost
Imaging that your heart and hers crossed
Living the double standard :No strings attached
But all strings attached to her back
Shes your favorite puppet
You say jump shes jumps right on top , you love it
Hard drugs no highs just a trip
Mixed emotions and mixed drinks
How many girls let you hit?
You have loose women recreating carbon copies of them selves
No abortion they want to all the financial help
Loose woman reproducing bastard children with no direction
Who grow up to be lonely men with the lost power of  affection
Left your mark up in these women
A delusional spiritual famine
While you were busy fucking everything
You passed many queens
Might have overlooked
Because your just so overbooked
and the only way to love a woman whole is through her heart
Lonely men love em in bits ans pieces , puzzle piece art


By Lina Gonzalez

Signs

Once upon a time lived a man
With a super power granted to him by a higher being
He was born to draw
He suffered from procrastination
No matter how many times he used his imagination
He would always end up with unfinished business
Stored thoughts sharp enough to wound enemies
So he cluttered and he cluttered his collection until a war broke out
With his mind he drew himself a world to escape too
So he ran in
Throwing hand grenades at his demons
Sidestepping the devil
Drawing weapons and bombs to survive
Never looking back he entered a world where only art existed
Trees come to life bearing fist
The signs and arrows all pointed in one direction
Unexpectedly he drew up a mountain and moved it
Lost all control of his senses
He saw something moving in the distance
He spotted a young girl at her knees
He didn't draw her up
She just suddenly appeared
His imagination couldn't let him draw things he had never seemed
She wasn't from the depths of his imagination she was real
A one of a kind jewel
Stone cold but beautiful like a purple gem
She was sitting on the beach lonely and mute
She had lost her voice in a fight
So instead she learned how to write
With the only tool available
The sand and the beach
She used branches as her pencil
Writing for so many years
The sun had turned wet sand into rock
It was all written in stone
He walked up carefully not to step on her words
She looked at the sand lost she struggled with with a writers block
His imagination bursts out creating more imagery
He couldn't control what was happening
Uncontrollable paintings filled the air
Nearly transparent no hiding what he was thinking she read him like an x-ray
So she wrote a message on the sand
"I need to get out of here
and when the moment comes I will know the right words to write"
As soon as she saw him
The words came to her
She steady wrote them on the sand
They read
"His picture will paint you a story
Her stories will paint you a picture"
They locked eyes like a lock and key
They seemed like the new Adam and Eve
So the mute girl spoke for the first time in many years
"I been trying to get out of here , i been writing the story,
but couldn't paint the picture"
His response "The signs that lead me here told me I needed drive"
She said" So draw a car" and she wrote
"I will be you battery acid to your engines, I will come with you and finish the story , but you must let also give
me get a try at the drivers seat"
"Rev up your engines
Drive this car to the moon like ET
Draw the world a new skyline
All write it all out from the passenger side
And you just draw these stories
Here we go
Do not slow down
Do not push on the brakes until the new world has been drawn"
He agrees
They don't slow down
He put it on drive
But instead he learned how to fly
He flew until the sky reached nightfall
His pictures glowing in the dark
Like constellations
Drawing and drawing
She kept writing their destination
She wrote about a lot of sunshine
So sunshine he gave her
Unexpected rain approached
This wasn't in the script
They crash back to the ground
It was meant for them to come back down
Wounded he bleeds paint
And her cartoon like words bounce off the floor
These minds so sick
Wanting to vomit creativity on canvases and legal pads
Now they have crash landed from the heavens into the world
God already has planted a full gallery in his mind that he does not even know about
Each moment he blesses the world every time he draws his visions
Archives waiting to arrive to canvas, walls, paper, and skin
To surprise and "Oooohh" and "Ah" the world
His blood creates a yellow brick road
There off to see the wizard
But this time with courage a heart and wisdom
There off to ask the wizard:
That their sins unravel into miracles
To ask the wizard to save the poets who just cannot speak
And that the inspiration would creep
Leaving her pen like doses of magic
A fusion to reality
That his paintings would draw signs for the lost
Monumental perfection
The wizard sat back and
Smoked her poems
Light it up with his paint
Inhaled the magic
Filled his lungs with poetry
Blew out scriptures in cartoons
Put it all in the air
Let it roam the streets
He spread it through the air like an airborne disease
The wizard said:
"This is a purple sky that can fall on me a million times
May your words fill the bellies of empty voids
May inspiration be your gift
You the author and him the illustrator
May your pop-up book turn to life"

By Lina Gonzalez

Scars

This is the first poem I ever performed at an open mic. This is the written version. The spoken word piece is much longer.




 And I surrender now to this room full of flames.

 Ignited by the gas that seeps from my soul...

 I am enraged.

 Here it goes...

 Flesh torn down by broken bottles

I’m the one to blame for this beautiful addition to my body

The masterpiece…

This body is my mural.

A beauty

One of them being the art it portrays

My scars are my art

A voice for every cut

A story for every scar

And danger was the gas to my imagination

While I’m painting pretty pictures of mental fixation

I like to think I’m  digging through my skin to

Dip into my soul

Only to find a pool of boiling fiery red trickling blood

My body the canvas

Arms filled with artistic memorials

My hands my arms my legs

I am the creation

With every cut I scratch away a memory

That’s has been implanted on my heart

These scars are the story of a dangerous me


Tears  replaced by a drops of blood drawn

Tough me

Blinding my self of pain

Bullying me

Inner pain

Numbed out by physical

Cheap bic Razors to skin

With every open wound

The fire would leak

An explosion would occur

I am these scars

I am these cuts

 Every moment in time that was me

Blind rage

A monster

Fury overpowering my body

This is a beautiful canvas

My beautiful scars

And if I ever felt powerless I was wrong

Because the power that rested in me

Was enough to hurt me

The energy invested in my own little surgeries


Ravishing  rivers of red are the streams I’m coming from

And every time I slice my heart

I carve away a lil memory

I am at war with this skin that carries me

Addicted to cold metal sharp objects compressed upon on my skin

Releasing a lil bit of the journey that its been

We cannot be friends

I wear weakness on the bottom of my foot

Stepping on it every time I moved forward

By Lina Gonzalez

Then and Now

 This is me THEN

So many people want happy endings

But in reality most endings and good byes are sad

And if the past happened so many years ago

Why do we keeping taping back into that memory?

Calling to us whispering us tempting us pulling us to relive moments

We live everyday to forget

Tied in appealing bows of insecurities

Melancholic time wrapping is evil finger

 But why are you searching for an ending?

What you are now is the only thing you will ever be

Speeding your way to the future

Leaving your self lost in the tracks

A couple of minutes ago (the past)

You were thinking in circles

Looking in mirrors staring at your own blank stare

Behind the smile a whirl wind

And watching ghost dancing around you in circles

I guess you like that dance a little too much

I catch you waltzing across the room every time

Road blocking you to step foot in the NOW

Then inspiration creeps up on you

Like a heavenly force

Forced to write it out

This is your religion

Releasing the evils out your mind

Tip toeing its way into your soul

The secret code unlocking self expressions

These shoulders carry the weight of mountains

Words crash landing on fragile pieces of paper like boulders

So delicate yet absolutely unbreakable

That was me then


This is me  NOW

It’s entertaining to me when you say I look distracted

My eyes lost in a gaze

I’m light years away

You speak and I do not hear you

I see lips moving

But I can not make sense of anything that is coming out of your mouth

I hear you voice

I am not listening

All that’s crawling in my ears are faint distant sounds

I refuse to be consumed by these harsh realities

Of yesteryear

So I found a place I rather be

Inside of me

One that I have built for my self on my own

And is located deep in the depths of mind

Mountains outlined with similes

Purple clouds gazing over me

A sea filled only with peace

Smoke in the air

This is better then a dream

A sun that never stops shining

It’s never night time here

Eternal sunshine

In here I don’t rush for the night time to come to escape and fall asleep

Daytime all day I’m awake

Alive

The better version of my spirit lives here

I have imagined her up

I just cannot bring her to life

For fear that she will become shattered and polluted

With this cruel real world

So she stays locked up tight in my deepest thought

You will never meet her

Only read about her

I visit her very often

Wish I could I stay with her forever

But my distractions are coming back

I hear someone yelling

“Lina snap out of it “

“What the fuck were you thinking about? I been talking to you for the past ten minutes”

I never say a word

Those ten  minutes seemed like hours

For these  people would never understand where I stand

Or where I have gone

Mobile in the world

But just so out of touch

Time lies on suspension lines

So out of balance

Like de javue

I am living in mind my own mind

This is a place I call home

I’m physically here

But I’m not here

Don’t call me crazy because

I have found a home in my mind

Don’t tell me to come out

If the world is so cold

This world has me starving

I'm feeding my self food for thought

So deep you can’t tap into me

Many levels in this mind

I have reached level 13

The one where is too hard to get out

Don’t want to come out

So perhaps you have got it backwards

You are distracting me from my inner me

Beautiful bliss no ignorance



By Lina Gonzalez