Then and Now

 This is me THEN

So many people want happy endings

But in reality most endings and good byes are sad

And if the past happened so many years ago

Why do we keeping taping back into that memory?

Calling to us whispering us tempting us pulling us to relive moments

We live everyday to forget

Tied in appealing bows of insecurities

Melancholic time wrapping is evil finger

 But why are you searching for an ending?

What you are now is the only thing you will ever be

Speeding your way to the future

Leaving your self lost in the tracks

A couple of minutes ago (the past)

You were thinking in circles

Looking in mirrors staring at your own blank stare

Behind the smile a whirl wind

And watching ghost dancing around you in circles

I guess you like that dance a little too much

I catch you waltzing across the room every time

Road blocking you to step foot in the NOW

Then inspiration creeps up on you

Like a heavenly force

Forced to write it out

This is your religion

Releasing the evils out your mind

Tip toeing its way into your soul

The secret code unlocking self expressions

These shoulders carry the weight of mountains

Words crash landing on fragile pieces of paper like boulders

So delicate yet absolutely unbreakable

That was me then


This is me  NOW

It’s entertaining to me when you say I look distracted

My eyes lost in a gaze

I’m light years away

You speak and I do not hear you

I see lips moving

But I can not make sense of anything that is coming out of your mouth

I hear you voice

I am not listening

All that’s crawling in my ears are faint distant sounds

I refuse to be consumed by these harsh realities

Of yesteryear

So I found a place I rather be

Inside of me

One that I have built for my self on my own

And is located deep in the depths of mind

Mountains outlined with similes

Purple clouds gazing over me

A sea filled only with peace

Smoke in the air

This is better then a dream

A sun that never stops shining

It’s never night time here

Eternal sunshine

In here I don’t rush for the night time to come to escape and fall asleep

Daytime all day I’m awake

Alive

The better version of my spirit lives here

I have imagined her up

I just cannot bring her to life

For fear that she will become shattered and polluted

With this cruel real world

So she stays locked up tight in my deepest thought

You will never meet her

Only read about her

I visit her very often

Wish I could I stay with her forever

But my distractions are coming back

I hear someone yelling

“Lina snap out of it “

“What the fuck were you thinking about? I been talking to you for the past ten minutes”

I never say a word

Those ten  minutes seemed like hours

For these  people would never understand where I stand

Or where I have gone

Mobile in the world

But just so out of touch

Time lies on suspension lines

So out of balance

Like de javue

I am living in mind my own mind

This is a place I call home

I’m physically here

But I’m not here

Don’t call me crazy because

I have found a home in my mind

Don’t tell me to come out

If the world is so cold

This world has me starving

I'm feeding my self food for thought

So deep you can’t tap into me

Many levels in this mind

I have reached level 13

The one where is too hard to get out

Don’t want to come out

So perhaps you have got it backwards

You are distracting me from my inner me

Beautiful bliss no ignorance



By Lina Gonzalez