Part 1
Every night before I lay my head to sleep
I weep a little
Sadness marches up to me like a loan shark
I'm living a life indebted
I owe apologies
Thank yous
Karma
Dues
Money
Love
So I pray
I pray that all my imperfections are forgiven
I pray that my apologies are heard over the radar
I pray that god hears I am grateful
For allowing me to open my eyes to a brand new morning
I pray because I'm going through hell everyday
Some that you may never know of because
My heart speaks a different language
One that my tongue can not interpret
This stress weights on my shoulders heavy
And I cant help but to smile daily
Emotions locked up in a volt
So these emotions all lay here
While I sleep
In my dreams
As I write
All the time!
God please take me out of here!!
I pray u rest in peace
He took u away u rapidly
And I pray that those families that hurt for you godmother
Have sunshinesin the morning
I pray that you forgive me because I don't believe in religion
I don't step foot into churches
I have no faith in an organization that money launders
And I pray
And I pray that my family is kept
That my mother will stop tearing
And I pray that my bills are paid
And I pray that this world wasn't so crazy
But it is
So i pray
I do not mean to preach
After I leave my body on this earth all I have left is my faith
I pray that every time I'm having conversations with the devil
That god drops the call
Fades the signal
Blows up the phone
But the devil is always on call waiting to suck me dry of faith
So I pray
Part 2
Every night before I lay my head to sleep
I weep a little
I know we won't be living forever
We must all die
And I hope my souls go not to heaven
I hope it roams the earth like a guardian angel
Gods helper
Blessed with a halo made from stars
Harps making music of peace
I want to live inside your dreams
Plant ideas in you imagination
I want to create inception
I wan to be a euphoric angel
Make you feel high when you have arrived at rock bottom
Bring bright lights to the dim spirited
The angel that shines a little faith when your feeling faithless
The one that sprinkles hope when your hopeless
The one to remove the shackles off your chained mind
The angel that "accidentally" drops your glasses of alcholic beverages when you want to binge drink
The guardian angles fading out the devils calling
I just want to be an angel
For this I pray
I have always said that God has a plan for us but we have to pay attention to the signs that he puts in front of us. Sometimes we miss the signs and other times the signs come just at the right moment .The universe has completely smacked me in the face with a calling, and I’m so glad it has happened. The calling: finally figuring out the purpose of my life. Some are blessed to know what they would like to be as early as childhood. I remember back in elementary school the teachers would always ask me where I see my self in ten years. I never knew the answer to this question. And as I got older the question became more and more confusing. And as I reached adulthood I was completely lost with out a clue in what path to take.
Growing up I would write in a diary which I kept to my self. I was not very often that I would let anyone read. I started writing when I was 16 and from there I just never stopped. My style of writing has changed over the years due to growth and maturity. It went from free writing to poetry. Up until recently I have found a new form of self expression, spoken word. I have been doing performing open mics and events on a weekly basis in hopes to perfect my skill and to keep learning. I have met some amazing poets and the community is so welcoming and warm. I have decided to take this route with my life because I rather take a route that my heart is in rather then wonder “what if“? I have realized there is more to life then working a nine to five and just making money to support myself. I see the beauty in the simple things and life without self expression is pointless. I love to inspire other people to write because I know the amazing high it creates .As I get deeper and deeper into this world, I’m loving poetry /spoken word more and more each day. Some people have said to me that they never saw me as the “writing type”. My answer to that is that I kept it hidden from the world because it was very personal to me. My poetry is based on real life personal experiences and my views on the issues of the environment around me inspiration and anything that I feel the need to express my self on. This is a transitional time in my life; things are coming to change for the better and are falling into place. My priorities are straight and my motto is “Business before pleasure”. My vision is becoming clearer by the weeks, inspiration has become contagious. In a recent open mic I bumped into a very talented man, a veteran in the world of spoken word, the 2001 slam champion at the “Nuyoricans Post Café” by the name of Ainsley Burrows. He gave me the best advice. “When I first started there where poets who were better then me but eventually they stopped doing the open mics, I’ve learned that is all about how you dedicate yourself”‘. Everything in life comes with hard work and motivation so I’m willing to give my all to my passion. I’m intrigued by many spoken word artists who are activist who really want to make a difference in the community. Because I as well would love to make change weather it is big more small. Some of the changes I’m interested in are promoting poetry to children. The children are our future and they deserve to have the utmost exposure to creative art.
A very close person to me pushed me to come out of my shell. Although I was very stubborn at first he altered my life. I was blessed to cross paths with this individual because that push was necessary. I must say that I would have never taken my writing seriously or even got up on stage if it wasn’t for him I am forever grateful and thankful for this. After that sign more signs kept coming my way indicating to take this direction. I remember randomly picking up a book and I opened it and the book was about a group of high school kids who there teacher had them do open mics every Friday during class. This was I interesting because that book had been laying around in my house for years now and I had picked it up to read it just in time .I must say that after reading this book I was debating weather taking up spoken word or not . Another sign was when I was taking a walk in Central park. And some one had chalked into the ground “Become your dream” This was the last and final sign before I went up on stage. Being on stage has opened up new doors for me and created new opportunities. Like they say one door opens new doors. This is only the beginning of the journey .I’m looking forward and I’m excited to see what’s in store for me .To be continued..................
There are no answers in the mirror
Because the mirror can not reflect whats been inflicted in our hearts
Cupid upgraded and got rid of his arrows
instead hes shooting at us with guns
Bullet holes on our chest being sewed up by doves with yarns of peace
Doves who know we are broken from the start
Like a black rose
But we are survivors
We just don't survive the day
We also make it through the night
And blessed are us black roses to be born so differently
Blessed are those woman who have been struck with tragedy
For we have risen stronger off the ground then we were yesterday
While men have picked us up and thrown us back to the ground
The wind has swept dirt on us
But we grow a little taller towards the sun
And our petals reach out to the skies
And we have lived nightmares
But we have also lived dreams
And in a field of pretty colorful bright flowers
You cant avoid us
We attract like magnets
like force
While pretty flowers receive massive amounts of light
Us black roses find light within ourselves to grow
And fools are the men who think they have us fooled us
Because we are the flowers that are everlasting
Our wombs designed to bear kings and queens
because we just weren't the same as all the other flowers
The bright flowers wither
But the black roses live forever
The flower that nearly crashes and always builds itself even stronger the then the last
With petals and stems that reach the sky every time a little higher
With out the drop there wouldn't be the stretching out to the sky
Us black roses were built that way
But men please do not attempt to whisper sweet nothings in our ears
Our composition is much too deep, complex and intricate for simple minded men
Who think with their simpler minds ... If you know what I mean
We are the right equation in search of the answers
But look in to the sky
The name of every black rose is written like a star keeping the night sky lit
And constellations are images of black roses designing new love
We are the north stars that guide men
A beautiful flower that grows with out help
We make our own rain
Our thorns are prickly because we have grown resistance to this game
So with every adversary are thrones grow sharper
And our placentas are filled with holy water
Are children are blessed
And we shall not wait for men to put us on pedestals
We will build are own pedestals
Too high for the average man to reach
We are beyond measure
The perfect height for the right man who has the right amount off man power to want to jump that high
To the man that reaches us you are now kings
And to the man who finds a black rose
Just know that we are equilivalent to four leaf clovers
We fall asleep with teary eyes
Only to awake with bigger smiles to start new days
So the next time you cross a black rose just remember that God planted our seeds with his own two hands
And instead of using seeds he used diamonds
-Lina Gonzalez (She is Poetry)
