Sunday, October 2, 2011

The Ron and Sammie Affect

She fell in love with the enemy
He fell in love with a thief
He shot her in the heart with a gun
The beginning of the end
She stole his heart with just a graze of her lips       
She wore his heart on her own sleeves
She let her wrists bleed
He spoke a different language
One that she couldn’t read or translate
Dyslexic love ,they got it all backwards
He has it all blind   
Didn’t see the jewel in front him
She was his favorite lovely opponent
She gave his heart a beating
And he crushed her with bare hands
Tossed her to the wolves in sheep clothing
Neglected she turned into a beast
He was no match for what he has created
In his chest lived a passion that consumed is every being
Thirsty for every ounce every drop of her
She was a fighter
He didn't fall too far behind
Set up in a ring always agasint one another
These fights lasted all night
They snapped photographs to keep the memory alive
Somebody should have warned them that this was insanity that had arrived to take over their lives
Photo albums filled with smiles of four years of denial       
She the scorpion she caught him with the stinger
He was addicted to her poisonous way
Toxins consuming his body his veins
He was the lion the king
She was in love with the pride and nobility
Fighting the same war just a different battle
His bloody knuckles
Her hurt hands
Holes in his bedroom walls   
He would scream at the top of lungs how much he hated her
But his heart would not let him hate her
He would walk away
She would run after him
Pushing doors shut in his face
He turn around
And take her with open arms
Letting the sky fall on them
Making up again
Next morning
“Im sorry , I love you we guna make it “texts would await her phone
They were opposites attached at the heart the hip and the soul
The power of love had them losing control
She questioned and questioned
He gave her no answers just a another fight
It was her fault again
Just the vicious cycle
Of another argument gone wrong
He didn't understand
She didn't know how to let go
He cried that she left him abounded and alone
Laying next to each other and feeling a million miles away
Two ticking time bombs laying in the same bed
In the night she pretend she was asleep
He would kiss her forehead and whispered “I love you so much”
But she pretend not to hear it
She cried about the naked chicks up in his email
She turn around and turn to irrelevant texts from random dudes
She had followed into his footsteps
She had learned the game
He was on the offense
She was so defensive
So much love
Too immature to realize they were guna lose it all
Love had came by
And had slipped through the cracks
The more he tried to catch it the more it slipped from his fingertips
The more she try and save it
The more it became a waste
Time spent on arguing
They had each other all figured out
They knew  which buttons they loved to press
He press PLAY......He was running the game
She press REWIND, she couldn’t take the past our her mind
They press PAUSE ... and hold each other in a hopeless embrace
Many attempts at moving FOWARD . She just could not get over it
Anger consumed these two
The  flame grew bigger
They were burning in their own hell
Stabbed  at each other in the back
Stab at each other in the front
She kept falling for the same words " I'm sorry I love you so much you just make me so angry”
The flame. grew bigger , stronger , longer, higher
They were burning in their own hell
They had both lost the fight

By Lina Gonzalez

Saturday, September 17, 2011

151 Proof

How you swim with the Jack Daniels
surprises me
I cant believe your still living this life
You have survived
Not sure how you have not drowned
You are barley here anyways right
Stuck in your vortex alcohol nights
The results of drowning in Hennessy
Bite marks of last nights love affairs
Strange women undergarments lay in distant corners
Your dried up kids on motel sheets
Stumble in at late hours
With the scent of betrayal on your clothes
And the taste of lust on your lips
You have betrayed again
Fighting over and over again
Complaining she brings you down
Ironically you make  her face and the ground always meet
You have made us move to a nice spot on the corner of ROCK BOTTOM
I guess the commute to hell was just easier from there for you
Them Heinikens are the muscle to your bones
The anecdote that fuses you into a monster
To you there is no other answer
You sip, sip and chug ,chug
No end to when you stop
Im so young already wondering when will this life end?!
While you live it up carelessly
Regret consumes your mind
So you write an  apology letter
An apology letter with no moral
There is none just a thesis: “How drunk will I get this evening”
A paper stained with Johnny  walker Black Label
Smudged words you tired to read aloud in slurred language
Drunk” im sorries “followed by “ I just cant stop”
Break down into alcoholic tears
Your right you couldn’t stop
You continued to chase liquor stores instead of a happy home
And still you say your not having the time of your life
The time without your family
The time of your life has gone away
Your time is up
Your kids grown up to other dads
Your 151 proof of everything I don’t strive to be
10% sperm donor
20% wife beater
30% dead beat
40% cheater
51% alcoholic
The time of your life you being the best at your worst
Your 151 proof dad
Child hood days should have been with you
Not me reaching out through cold metal jail bars to feel your touch
Lullabies and nursery rhymes replaced by moms cries .yelling and police sirens
I should have been enjoying your piggy back rides
Not in the back of a dirty dusty police car going to visit you
You will always be part of me 151 %
I hope you have the time of your life

By Lina Gonzalez


Sunday, August 14, 2011

The Art of Lonely Men

A woman's most prized possession is in between her legs
Loose women give it up to you with out the mare sound of a beg
Numbers of loose women's, change and condoms in your pocket
You walk around with an empty heart shaped locket
Loneliness consumes your thoughts
Adding to the growing list of all these women you have bought
Nothing compared to the one that has you caught
Up in this schizophrenia , don't know whats real
So numb you don't know how to feel
Heart locked up in a box made of steal
You replace her every night
With easy woman who's panties hit the floor with out a fight
They love you, they call out for you
You respond to their womanly fuse
This is what you do as you wait for the return of the girl you still haven't met
She has you sick , but your a dog no doc you need a vet
Perfection is what you envision
When she comes by is time to play your position
Shes a woman of a million battles and you are meant to be one of her war wounds
She will be a woman down because of you
Failure is but a figment of your imagination
Like a trickster you will trip her and then come to her salvation
And for her.. inside of you a fire burns
Shes built like a church
Beautiful on the outside
Holiness  lives inside
And you  will turn her into a wicked gargoyle of the night time
Hungover days followed by sleepless nights
A male ego tripping on his lonely pride
You continue to insert your keys in locks of doors that lead to nothing nut dead ends
Meet new ones  and your only interest is how far that ass will bend
Create problems and leave you with questions with no answer
This love shyt is starting to kill you like cancer
You send out drunk text messages before the sunrise
The biggest lie you tell in your "good guy" disguise
Now shes fucked in body and mind
You go over board with the caressing
Hide all those feelings your bench pressing
You fuck each and everyone of them pretending
That they were the love you once lost
Imaging that your heart and hers crossed
Living the double standard :No strings attached
But all strings attached to her back
Shes your favorite puppet
You say jump shes jumps right on top , you love it
Hard drugs no highs just a trip
Mixed emotions and mixed drinks
How many girls let you hit?
You have loose women recreating carbon copies of them selves
No abortion they want to all the financial help
Loose woman reproducing bastard children with no direction
Who grow up to be lonely men with the lost power of  affection
Left your mark up in these women
A delusional spiritual famine
While you were busy fucking everything
You passed many queens
Might have overlooked
Because your just so overbooked
and the only way to love a woman whole is through her heart
Lonely men love em in bits ans pieces , puzzle piece art

By Lina Gonzalez

Wednesday, August 3, 2011


Once upon a time lived a man
With a super power granted to him by a higher being
He was born to draw
He suffered from procrastination
No matter how many times he used his imagination
He would always end up with unfinished business
Stored thoughts sharp enough to wound enemies
So he cluttered and he cluttered his collection until a war broke out
With his mind he drew himself a world to escape too
So he ran in
Throwing hand grenades at his demons
Sidestepping the devil
Drawing weapons and bombs to survive
Never looking back he entered a world where only art existed
Trees come to life bearing fist
The signs and arrows all pointed in one direction
Unexpectedly he drew up a mountain and moved it
Lost all control of his senses
He saw something moving in the distance
He spotted a young girl at her knees
He didn't draw her up
She just suddenly appeared
His imagination couldn't let him draw things he had never seemed
She wasn't from the depths of his imagination she was real
A one of a kind jewel
Stone cold but beautiful like a purple gem
She was sitting on the beach lonely and mute
She had lost her voice in a fight
So instead she learned how to write
With the only tool available
The sand and the beach
She used branches as her pencil
Writing for so many years
The sun had turned wet sand into rock
It was all written in stone
He walked up carefully not to step on her words
She looked at the sand lost she struggled with with a writers block
His imagination bursts out creating more imagery
He couldn't control what was happening
Uncontrollable paintings filled the air
Nearly transparent no hiding what he was thinking she read him like an x-ray
So she wrote a message on the sand
"I need to get out of here
and when the moment comes I will know the right words to write"
As soon as she saw him
The words came to her
She steady wrote them on the sand
They read
"His picture will paint you a story
Her stories will paint you a picture"
They locked eyes like a lock and key
They seemed like the new Adam and Eve
So the mute girl spoke for the first time in many years
"I been trying to get out of here , i been writing the story,
but couldn't paint the picture"
His response "The signs that lead me here told me I needed drive"
She said" So draw a car" and she wrote
"I will be you battery acid to your engines, I will come with you and finish the story , but you must let also give
me get a try at the drivers seat"
"Rev up your engines
Drive this car to the moon like ET
Draw the world a new skyline
All write it all out from the passenger side
And you just draw these stories
Here we go
Do not slow down
Do not push on the brakes until the new world has been drawn"
He agrees
They don't slow down
He put it on drive
But instead he learned how to fly
He flew until the sky reached nightfall
His pictures glowing in the dark
Like constellations
Drawing and drawing
She kept writing their destination
She wrote about a lot of sunshine
So sunshine he gave her
Unexpected rain approached
This wasn't in the script
They crash back to the ground
It was meant for them to come back down
Wounded he bleeds paint
And her cartoon like words bounce off the floor
These minds so sick
Wanting to vomit creativity on canvases and legal pads
Now they have crash landed from the heavens into the world
God already has planted a full gallery in his mind that he does not even know about
Each moment he blesses the world every time he draws his visions
Archives waiting to arrive to canvas, walls, paper, and skin
To surprise and "Oooohh" and "Ah" the world
His blood creates a yellow brick road
There off to see the wizard
But this time with courage a heart and wisdom
There off to ask the wizard:
That their sins unravel into miracles
To ask the wizard to save the poets who just cannot speak
And that the inspiration would creep
Leaving her pen like doses of magic
A fusion to reality
That his paintings would draw signs for the lost
Monumental perfection
The wizard sat back and
Smoked her poems
Light it up with his paint
Inhaled the magic
Filled his lungs with poetry
Blew out scriptures in cartoons
Put it all in the air
Let it roam the streets
He spread it through the air like an airborne disease
The wizard said:
"This is a purple sky that can fall on me a million times
May your words fill the bellies of empty voids
May inspiration be your gift
You the author and him the illustrator
May your pop-up book turn to life"

By Lina Gonzalez

Thursday, July 28, 2011


This is the first poem I ever performed at an open mic. This is the written version. The spoken word piece is much longer.

 And I surrender now to this room full of flames.

 Ignited by the gas that seeps from my soul...

 I am enraged.

 Here it goes...

 Flesh torn down by broken bottles

I’m the one to blame for this beautiful addition to my body

The masterpiece…

This body is my mural.

A beauty

One of them being the art it portrays

My scars are my art

A voice for every cut

A story for every scar

And danger was the gas to my imagination

While I’m painting pretty pictures of mental fixation

I like to think I’m  digging through my skin to

Dip into my soul

Only to find a pool of boiling fiery red trickling blood

My body the canvas
Arms filled with artistic memorials

My hands my arms my legs

I am the creation

With every cut I scratch away a memory

That’s has been implanted on my heart

These scars are the story of a dangerous me

Tears  replaced by a drops of blood drawn

Tough me

Blinding my self of pain

Bullying me

Inner pain

Numbed out by physical

Cheap bic Razors to skin

With every open wound

The fire would leak

An explosion would occur

I am these scars

I am these cuts

 Every moment in time that was me

Blind rage

A monster

Fury overpowering my body

This is a beautiful canvas

My beautiful scars

And if I ever felt powerless I was wrong

Because the power that rested in me

Was enough to hurt me

The energy invested in my own little surgeries

Ravishing  rivers of red are the streams I’m coming from
And every time I slice my heart
I carve away a lil memory

I am at war with this skin that carries me
Addicted to cold metal sharp objects compressed upon on my skin
Releasing a lil bit of the journey that its been
We cannot be friends

I wear weakness on the bottom of my foot

Stepping on it every time I moved forward
By Lina Gonzalez

Then and Now

 This is me THEN

So many people want happy endings

But in reality most endings and good byes are sad

And if the past happened so many years ago

Why do we keeping taping back into that memory?

Calling to us whispering us tempting us pulling us to relive moments

We live everyday to forget

Tied in appealing bows of insecurities

Melancholic time wrapping is evil finger

 But why are you searching for an ending?

What you are now is the only thing you will ever be

Speeding your way to the future

Leaving your self lost in the tracks

A couple of minutes ago (the past)

You were thinking in circles

Looking in mirrors staring at your own blank stare

Behind the smile a whirl wind

And watching ghost dancing around you in circles

I guess you like that dance a little too much

I catch you waltzing across the room every time

Road blocking you to step foot in the NOW

Then inspiration creeps up on you

Like a heavenly force

Forced to write it out

This is your religion

Releasing the evils out your mind

Tip toeing its way into your soul

The secret code unlocking self expressions

These shoulders carry the weight of mountains

Words crash landing on fragile pieces of paper like boulders

So delicate yet absolutely unbreakable

That was me then

This is me  NOW

It’s entertaining to me when you say I look distracted

My eyes lost in a gaze

I’m light years away

You speak and I do not hear you

I see lips moving

But I can not make sense of anything that is coming out of your mouth

I hear you voice

I am not listening

All that’s crawling in my ears are faint distant sounds

I refuse to be consumed by these harsh realities

Of yesteryear

So I found a place I rather be

Inside of me

One that I have built for my self on my own

And is located deep in the depths of mind

Mountains outlined with similes

Purple clouds gazing over me

A sea filled only with peace

Smoke in the air

This is better then a dream

A sun that never stops shining

It’s never night time here

Eternal sunshine

In here I don’t rush for the night time to come to escape and fall asleep

Daytime all day I’m awake


The better version of my spirit lives here

I have imagined her up

I just cannot bring her to life

For fear that she will become shattered and polluted

With this cruel real world

So she stays locked up tight in my deepest thought

You will never meet her

Only read about her

I visit her very often

Wish I could I stay with her forever

But my distractions are coming back

I hear someone yelling

“Lina snap out of it “

“What the fuck were you thinking about? I been talking to you for the past ten minutes”

I never say a word

Those ten  minutes seemed like hours

For these  people would never understand where I stand

Or where I have gone

Mobile in the world

But just so out of touch

Time lies on suspension lines

So out of balance

Like de javue

I am living in mind my own mind

This is a place I call home

I’m physically here

But I’m not here

Don’t call me crazy because

I have found a home in my mind

Don’t tell me to come out

If the world is so cold

This world has me starving

I'm feeding my self food for thought

So deep you can’t tap into me

Many levels in this mind

I have reached level 13

The one where is too hard to get out

Don’t want to come out

So perhaps you have got it backwards

You are distracting me from my inner me

Beautiful bliss no ignorance

By Lina Gonzalez

Tuesday, July 12, 2011


I took a hit of that purple
My mind went flying into the clouds
I took a hit of that purple
I couldn’t even feel myself
Instantly hooked
While it traveled through every void filling it up
I was overloaded with “joy”
So wrong to over dose on this
And abuse it
Knew all the rules but decided to break them
Because walking in straight lines just didn’t make the cut
Walking in circles was my kind of dance
I always seem to take detours
And go wherever my mind wanders
Took a hit of that purple and looked death into the eyes
My veins overflowing
My body overflowing with this euphoric state of mind
So many years went by as I survived on that purple
Rarely making the fuckin day
Waking up into another day felt helpless
So I stopped suddenly
And it was taken away for me
Like an addict
Withdrawing every god dam day
Tears filled my eyes
Anxiety filled my chest
Knees hit the ground this is rock bottom
The crash landing was bad 
And when it wasn’t around anymore
Purple pouring rain
I cried these purple tears
Lit purple candles
I was happy just to make it through the day
If I could GPS hell
Id say it was located in my mind
The thoughts that ran through me everyday
Were gruesome enough for movies
Death scenes
I killed you a thousand times
Each death slower then the last
 This is the result of that purple shyt
So just when it got worse then rock bottom
I thought I was going 6 feet under
Id like to call rehab the ward of time
Slow seconds that become lifetimes
No more of that purple shyt
That clouds my mind
Are you reading between the lines?

By Lina Gonzalez

Full Price Love

I gave you the benefit of the doubt
But you only benefited from me
While my head filled up wit doubts
The clock is ticking
You waste my time my love
You are blessed
Because Im blessing you always
While you perform comfortable sins with my body
But this love is no longer for sale
And it sure isn't it free
But all you want to do is bargain with me
Seems cheap to me
Willing to pay HALF price for my love
While Im left paying the full price for the aftermath
To hell with compromise
I have become restless of just being comfortable
I'm way too much of rebel for “play it safes” and safe zones
Love isn't easy
or guaranteed
But I'm done with ” flirtationships”
More then a friendship
But less then a relationship
I'd fight with you
 But your barb wires have hurt me enough
Tired of the usual young love games
This is a new phase where the 50 /50 begins
So spare me some change
Not done with love
Done with confused souls
Bargains, cheap sales, half prices
Im searching for the jackpot

By Lina Gonzalez


I'm going through hell with a smile on my face brighter then heaven
The negatives try to keep me down
A negative plus a negative equals  a positive
Never been good at math
 I just hope all this shyt just starts to add up
Everyone is looking for there 15 mins
But Im just fine with my 23 years
Not looking for fame not looking for fortune
Just looking for peace
Cranking up the volume on this music
I cant stand to hear my self think
But these voices are loud
 I raise up every waking morning
No time for complications
 I shove them in a corner in the back of my head
“I'm fine”
I am public enemy number one
I'm looking to hunt you down because I can't stand you
But who I'm looking for is me , you see
The worst critique in the world
Miss self destruct
Miss raise up
Miss positivity, smile so bright
Miss Super woman always saving everybody
Who's going to save me?
I paint pictures of light
for everybody
leading them to paths of recuperation
Feeling like is me and against the world
always at odds
I'm never even
Me against the stress
But I'm running with the feeling of the weekend
High and drunk
Because I am too weak for sobriety , but strong enough for this alcohol tolerance
I run and I run and I find myself falling
 And Im lost like Alice in  wonderland
Falling into the never ending hole
What do you when your at battle with yourself?
Your mind running away from you
Because it is sick of you
Survive with open wounds
Who knew healing would be painful
I thought it was supposed to get better
My body grows older
But mind remains stuck in the past
Wounds that break lose every so often
Wish it would stay shut forever
Verbalizing lies
wearing big smiles as disguise
I'm getting sick of this mask
On my face
Its all a lie
Every joke
Every laugh
is a fake
I'm tired of hiding  
Exhausted of being this actor
This character has me confused
I don’t know who I am anymore
Pass along all the medication
To cure me from this sickness
Feed me doses of hard core reality               
No one survives, you just live

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

So Lucky

I remember you used to tell me
"Any man would be lucky to have you"
I used to wonder if it was a generic way of you being just a friend to me
Or if you felt lucky just to have me
I could see right through you that
You wondered about being that lucky man
There was something about your words
And the way you would speak staring into the distance
As if it meant the world to you that I sat there and listened
I listened with my ear and remember with my heart
Although I cant remember every word
I remember exactly how it made you feel
The closeness of late night conversations and revelations
Reading along the lines I threaded
We said so much but didn’t really say anything at all
We did so much but didn’t really do much of anything
Suppressed into this never-ending circle of “friendship”
Feeling lucky that I had the man of my dreams as my best friend
Lucky to be in your presence
Lucky just to have you
I knew all about you
You knew all about me
You dipped into my sea
And only got deeper and deeper
But you still found a way to come back for air
Because the kind of I love I offered left you breathless
But still we didn’t know much of anything
I just knew you swayed where ever my rivers flowed
But you never took the time to take to swim ahead of me
You just wanted to stand still forever
Standing still just wasn’t in my agenda
I just wanted you to grow wit me
Over flooded with feelings
Caring too much
Then forced to act like I just didn’t care
Feeling like a robot
But I was only human
Only so much I can let grow in my heart
With out wondering what now?
All unspoken
But I read between the lines
That this would never be
No matter how many “I love yous’ came from your mouth
I needed more then just the words
I need stability and actions
Taking a leap of faith on love
One that you weren’t willing to take
I just trusted you enough to let you in
So you came in
And in the end you just couldn’t stand to be that lucky man
In the process of helping me pick up the pieces of a heart shattered
I must have cut you too
The same way you cut me
Lucky strike I have realized I was giving my love to the wrong guy
Once again
Generic being
Blending in with the rest of the zombies
Failing short of themselves
Only to fall into comfort zones
But if you really knew me
You would know I never get too comfortable
Because at the end of the day
Everyone is replaceable
And having somebody is not a necessity
It was more of a luxury
If you couldn’t quite figure out what love meant to you
Then you would never see how worthy I really am
Seeing eye to eye became irrelevant
And I was just trying to stay in relevance
That I gave it to you on a silver platter
But you just simply won't let your self love me
So I’m the one who got away
And that’s fine with me
Lucky me
To realize your confusion was a blessing in disguise

By Lina Gonzalez

Monday, June 27, 2011

United States of Zombies

We wake up every morning to chase dead presidents
Paper chasing bills that read "In god we trust"
These white collard thieves don’t fool me with this fake religion scheme
We swear on a bible to the" To tell the truth. Nothing but the truth "
Ironically a system built on lies
This is what I call a gimmick
The government trying to run us out of our own minds
Our sanity
Brainwashed zombies
Trying to own the only thing we have control over
Our Minds!
And here we go again!
The glory shined on a new black president!
They are just deviating our minds away from was really happening
Distracting us
They say "That we are doing way better because we have finally reached this new level of equality "
I call this the new level of doom
How much worse can this get?
They say there is a war on terrorism.
The only terrorists I see are these politicians
Invading in our privacy
Brainwashing us with media
They even know what every home is watching on TV
Sate lite TV.....................
Can you take a hint?
We are deaf not listening to was really going on
We are blind the truth is right in front of us
Senseless the news feeds us doses of fear
Every fucking day
The morning news!
The news at 12!
The six o clock news!
The then 10 clock news
A dose of negativity right when we wake up
and right before we sleep
I can not take this evil medicine anymore
They sell freedom to young warriors and exchange them with machine guns
We have to buy our way into everything
To kill for peace?
Sent out to hide behind war trenches outlined with a better tomorrow
I’m wishing that your rifles shot bullets of knowledge
instead of looking for weapons of mass destruction
If we really pay attention the war is about money
We live for the dollar bill
They rape us for the dollar
Causing mass destruction on our people
These weapon to end the world
Well the world is slowly ending how much worse can this get ?
The governments only agenda is steal our money
We have become a nation of zombies with no identity
Sex sells on television
And kids go and put what they see on repetition
We complain that the bible is man-made and we question why we should praise it
But go ahead and obsess and idolize over man made materials
Louie ,Fendi, Gucci,
We wont praise Jesus but know the names to ridiculous songs
Cant even remember sacred palms
How hypocritical
All this commotion seems political
The media has the youth under a spell
There is no difference between earth and hell
Guns sex violence and drugs
Kids exchange knowledge for dubbs
Why is it that all the wrong things are appealing?
People have forgotten the power of self healing
America is addicted to pornography
We are the killer of babies
Get our nuts off and abortion is the result
This nation is suffering
Addicted to pain killers while the pain still kills ya .
We are trying to diminish pain temporarily
And anti depressants are the new fads
the national debt is way beyond us
Survival of the fittest
Working class at the bottom of the food chain getting raped for our last dollars
We are hypnotized by ads to buy buy
They follow you know what you like
and throw it in your face
Debit Cards tracking system..................
Do you get the hint?
And work for the rest of are lives always owing somebody
Gving our lives to these credit card companies
Owe owe owe! And then the devil comes after our souls
Calling us bothering us asking when we will send over money
"How would you like to pay mam, can we sign you up for easy rape.*cough cough * I mean easy pay
Amercia the land of the free or the land of the doomed ?
Like the leading epidemics like child abuse!
What kind of fucked up shyt is that ?
We living in the land where adults get off by fucking children
Seems like Americans would do anything for a nut
Are we in recuperation? Or are we in mental deprivation?
Not everything you see on TV is clear
And materials are not self fulfilling
More people get divorced then get married
People welcome new fads into their lives more then God
People think is bad to love and strive for lives alone
Talk abut incredibly wicked !
We are zombies
Our eyes are dollar signs
We walk in one direction’
Lead by the sick hypnotism of this political nuisance
We are nothing but dollar signs to the govt.
Bar codes
Scan me please out of this catastrophe
A bunch of numbers that just don’t add up

By Lina Gonzalez

You are Appreciated

There’s a day that I will never forget
I sat on her lap gave her a huge hug and kissed her on the cheek
I asked her if she would always be there for me to save me from all the monsters
And she responded “No, there aren’t any monsters"
So I tried asking again hoping that she would give me a different answer
And asked
“Would you try to take them away?”
And she said "Yes"
The monsters I was thinking of were ones that lingered under my bed
Behind shadows
In closets
Ghouls and goblins
Green monsters from TV with eerie voices
Blood sucking vampires
And evil spell binding witches
As I grew older
These Ghouls turned to loneliness
Goblins into despair
Scary things from under my bed became betrayal, bipolar disorder, anger management, trust issues and Death.
If only I could go back to when my mother used to rub my forehead
Back to the days when she was able to cure my bumps and bruises with band aids
If only life were that simple
She used to say don’t be in such a hurry to grow up
Childhood years are short
I never knew what she meant just knew in the back of my head that I would one day understand
She was my first home
 Home is where the heart is
And my mother was my first kiss
The transfer of love from her lips to my forehead
And my mother taught me how to be kind
Taught me the value friendship
Also taught me the good old fashion beatings
I was sheltered
Only because she was trying to protect me
I no longer need protection
You need it now
But I promise to take care of you when you get to old age
To dry your eyes the same way you did for me when I was younger
To give you head rubs when you no longer can walk
To give back the same love that you taught me
You see I know nothing last forever
And one day we will no longer be next to each other in the flesh
But our mother daughter bond shall live forever
And when I have my own daughter I will do things a little differently
But I will always show her how to pray how you taught me
Hot to love how u loved me
How to forgive how u forgave me
And if could take back every wrong thing I ever said about you
I would
But I can’t
So I will just make it up
Because this is unconditional love
And though we aren’t traditional best friends
In my mind you are
Because a best friend does exactly what you do
And though sometimes you don’t understand what I do
I know u still have the faith in me that I’m doing it all for the right reasons
And though I have broken your heart
Done the all the wrongs things just to get them right
I’m proud to say you have taught me well
For this I am thankful
There’s no greater love then a mothers love
 How I beg to be that little girl again
The one who run by her side
Hold her hand to cross the street
Now I’m too old for that
If only I could go back and have my mother tuck me in bed
To the moment when she taught me how to pray
Taught me to believe in higher beings
She spoke of God and all the miracles he created
And I believed every word
And when I was down you said
"Nadie se a muerto , levantate de ahi que el mundo sique y sique”
And when I ran away you took me back with open arms
And when I’m down to my last dollar
You give me your last dollar
If I’m hungry you would give me your last meal
And if you could take the load off my back
You would
So correction
Because you did show me how to kill off the monsters

By Lina Gonzalez

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Sick Love Melody Pt.2

You come close
I get closer
I lay my head on your chest
And listen to the sounds
It’s a melody
And it’s sick
Ill to my stomach
Got my heart on overdrive
Beating on my chest cavity wanting to rip
Open through my flesh and into your chest to become one
I listen closer
I’m addicted
The music goes into my ear
And travels through my body
Backpacking its way to my heart
Seeping its way into the cracks
Attaching it self like a leech
Now my life is being sucked right out of me
I’m stuck
My mind is cluttered
There’s is no room to think this through
My thoughts are loud
They scream your name
And hymn your song
When I’m awake
And when I dream I hear faint sounds in the distant of this “sick love melody”
Only sounds I can hear now are your sick love melody
And nobody can tell me anything
“That you’re bad for me “
“That you’re like the rest of them “
I’m jumping on cloud nines
Careful to not trip and slip back to reality
Quite stupidly in love
My mind has run out of fuel
But my heart keeps bumping pretty sounds
Of your sick love melody
I have no room left to think of this consequence
The consequence of one day you stopping the song
I want to hear this sound even if it is a broken record
I want to hear it over and over like a song they play out on the radio
The beat to your sick love melody beats fast then beats slowly
Apparently I’m not your wedding song
I’m more like the song you keep in your Ipod because it is” classic”
A “must have”
 You skip me over on your play list
You turn me on till the melody drops
You turn me on then you turn me off
Like an option
I am tired of only being your song
You turn me up only when you’re down
I’m turning you off!
So I forget about you and your tunes
And you come back around playing the same old song
The harp strings on my heart have worn out
And have rusted with time
We can’t sing together
We can’t play together
Throw this record player out
I have gone deaf
I’m SICK of this love melody

By Lina Gonzalez Inspired by Tim Rupnarain

Friday, June 17, 2011

The Point of Complication

I am going to love you like no other
With everything inside of me 
The love of a woman runs deep beneath the wishing well
Your wishes become true
But here is the trick
I'm going to love you until the point of complication
I will run away with your heart and steal it 
Because the point where it all goes down hill I will not be taking 
How can I give something my all when its not going to last forever
Is crazy how they say something don’t last forever
But love seems to creep in us still like ghosts
Haunting the life of me 
Starting up unfinished business
People say they are in love when they get those butterflies in their tummy
I know I’m  in love when I start a race
Yeah that’s right a race
A race against you
Escaping something great
Running away and never coming back
My words leave me so freely
But I still have a hold on them
Careful to give you only part of me
Conversations become stale because I'm afraid to show  myself
Jokes become constant in order to conceal how nervous I actually feel
Kisses become rushed in order not to feel the rush that goes through my body
In order not to go through a great catastrophe
Holding hands with loose grips
The electricity shatters my skin travels
Into my heart
Your electric shock has me zoned
I can't hold on long enough to let this shock kill my spirit
So I run
I run build walls greater then the one in Berlin
I run !
Set boobie traps so you wont find me
So maybe that you will trip and fall
To the ground and in love with someone else
I run
Into an abyss with no location
Just a trail of unwanted certainties
Fuck this your saying all the right things
Appreciating me all the right ways
But I run
I am afraid of uncertainties
I like concrete ideas
The idea of meeting someone taking them home
 Doing what I please and kicking them out in the morning
Because it is certain  that they will be gone in the morning
You wont know if its  going to be disaster
You know that’s a risk your not willing to take
They say if you went through it the first time
And you made it through a heartbreak
Why is it so hard
To do it again?
Because you just wish it wouldn't happen again
Because you just remember how hard it was the last time
Not being able to escape
I don’t ever want to be trapped
And baby your love has me caged
Against four walls
In my mind
But I'm too proud for this shyt
Proud to act like I feel
Proud to act like the sight of you melts me away
I don’t know how many more hits   I can take
Acting like I just don’t care
Because pretending not to care hurts just the same
Because baby I rather see you love someone else
Leave ours the way it is because it is not yet broken
I have reached the point of perfection
Whats certain is that

Love vs Trust

Guy: You say we're all no good
Meanwhile I'm trying to use the words that escape my mouth
To erase the mistakes your ex-boyfriend drew onto your long-term memory,
But your eyes seem to be dyslexic when it comes to love
Cause even when I tell you the truth you distort it to see lies,
It’s like you built a wall around your heart and melted the keys
Now I’m on the outside looking in
Putting my all into your heart and there’s no way of even seeing what’s inside

Girl: It will take more than words to take down this gallery
A gallery created with lies for building blocks
The museum of the collection of broken hearts
Every painting with ex boyfriends initials at far right corners
There is no erasing to what has been drawn with pen
Pen turned to knives leaving scratches indented into my mind
No whiteout to cover up what’s underneath
And in this gallery surrounded by pretty white picket fences
Turned into haunted mansions of disbelief
Please paint me a pretty picture
Now tell me can you build me a museum
Hop into my dreams like inception?
And kill off my long term memory?
Erase mistrust with love?
Love lost and no love found
I extract truths to be lies
Because I have yet to see a man do any good
You have fallen in love
And I’m falling in pride
Guy: They say when a heart breaks it never breaks even
But I refuse to let any man get the better half of yours,
Look in my eyes
When you do you’re staring in the face of hurt,
Trust me I’ve been through pain too
Those same knives that found their way to your mind
Were the same ones placed in my back
By women whose unsure hands I was stupid enough to let hold my trust,
Only for them to carelessly let it fall to the ground and shatter into pieces of regret,
But I found your smile and it performed surgery on my hope,
It slowly healed all my wounds and faded away my scars
And ever since I’ve been trying to do the same for you,
I’m not asking you to renovate your museum
I’m just asking for you to open the door,
Let me in so I can see the exhibits of hurt from your point of view,
There is no erasing to what has been drawn with pen
But that doesn't mean it’s impossible to rewrite history,
Even the ugliest paintings that haunt your dreams
Can be turned upside down to change the way you see them,
I want to flood you with my trust and drown your thoughts until I flush out all your misconceptions,
I want the honesty in my voice to run through your veins and slightly clog your arteries
So every time your heart beats you feel a part of me,
I just want to find the key to your heart so I can be a part of you,

Girl:I can't deny that my heart stops when your next me
Drowned in kisses that create music
Orchestras and symphonies
Every kiss ending with a smile
Our hearts intertwine
Making snowflakes fall from the sky one by one
One for every moment in time
And eyes closed, body to body I see visions
Like a movie playing in my mind silhouettes of yesterday ghost trying to
Ruin this
And I run
devil on my shoulder ordering me to flee
Bitter sweet to all of this
Falling in love
Hearts walking on suspension lines
Please keep me balanced
Between my dark side and my other dark side
And if throw myself out the window with this one
Will u be willing to catch me?
Or maybe fly me with mid fall?
I’m floating on clouds
But I remove these clouds from under me every time

Guy :I’ll gladly fall asleep with my arms stretched to catch you if you ever fall in my dreams
Or maybe just keep them outstretched for you to hold on to,
There’s 8,736 hours in a year but I’m not asking for all of your time
Just give me a chance to rewrite your opinions written by years of disappointment
Just let me guide your mind to a place called trust where everything seems unfamiliar
I’ll leave a trail of bread crumbs just in case your heart becomes lost in what’s new to you
And I promise your only regret will be that you had to be hit so many times with hurt to find out how true love feels.

by Lina Gonzalez and Mark Payne

Wednesday, May 18, 2011


Part 1
Every night before I lay my head to sleep
I weep a little
Sadness marches up to me like a loan shark
I'm living a life indebted
I owe apologies
Thank yous
So I pray
I pray that all my imperfections are forgiven
I pray that my apologies are heard over the radar
I pray that god hears I am grateful
For allowing me to open my eyes to a brand new morning
I pray because  I'm going through  hell everyday
Some that you may never know of because
My heart speaks a different language
One that my tongue can not interpret
This stress weights on my shoulders  heavy
And I cant help but to smile daily
Emotions locked up in a volt
So these emotions all lay here
While I sleep
In my dreams
As I write
All the time!
God please take me out of here!!
I pray u rest in peace
He  took u away u rapidly
And I pray that those families that hurt for you godmother
Have sunshinesin the morning
I pray that you forgive me because I don't believe in religion
I don't step foot into churches
I have no faith in an organization that money launders
And I pray
And I pray that my family is kept
That my mother will stop tearing
And I pray that my bills are paid
And I pray that this world wasn't so crazy
But it is
So i pray
I do not mean to preach
After I leave my body on this earth all I have  left is my faith
I pray that every time I'm having conversations with the devil
That god drops the call
Fades the signal
Blows up the phone
But the devil is always on call waiting to suck me dry of faith
So I pray

Part 2
Every night  before I lay my head to sleep
I weep a little
 I know we won't be living forever
We must all die
And I hope my souls go not to heaven
I hope it roams the earth like a guardian angel
Gods  helper
Blessed with a halo made from stars
Harps making music of peace
I want to live inside your dreams
Plant ideas in you imagination
I want to create  inception
I wan to be a euphoric angel
Make you feel  high when you have arrived at rock bottom
Bring bright lights to the dim spirited
The angel that shines a little faith when your feeling faithless
The one that sprinkles hope when your hopeless
The one to remove the shackles off your chained mind
The angel that  "accidentally" drops your glasses of alcholic beverages when you want to binge drink
The guardian angles fading out the devils calling
I just want to be an angel
For this I pray

Monday, May 16, 2011

Following the Signs

                I have always said that God has a plan for us but we have to pay attention to the signs that he puts in front of us. Sometimes we miss the signs and other times the signs come just at the right moment .The universe has completely smacked me in the face with a calling, and I’m so glad it has happened. The calling: finally figuring out the purpose of my life. Some are blessed to know what they would like to be as early as childhood. I remember back in elementary school the teachers would always ask me where I see my self in ten years. I never knew the answer to this question. And as I got older the question became more and more confusing. And as I reached adulthood I was completely lost with out a clue in what path to take.
Growing up I would write in a diary which I kept to my self. I was not very often that I would let anyone read. I started writing when I was 16 and from there I just never stopped. My style of writing has changed over the years due to growth and maturity. It went from free writing to poetry. Up until recently I have found a new form of self expression, spoken word. I have been doing performing open mics and events on a weekly basis in hopes to perfect my skill and to keep learning. I have met some amazing poets and the community is so welcoming and warm. I have decided to take this route with my life because I rather take a route that my heart is in rather then wonder “what if“? I have realized there is more to life then working a nine to five and just making money to support myself. I see the beauty in the simple things and life without self expression is pointless. I love to inspire other people to write because I know the amazing high it creates .As I get deeper and deeper into this world, I’m loving poetry /spoken word more and more each day. Some people have said to me that they never saw me as the “writing type”. My answer to that is that I kept it hidden from the world because it was very personal to me. My poetry is based on real life personal experiences and my views on the issues of the environment around me inspiration and anything that I feel the need to express my self on.  This is a transitional time in my life; things are coming to change for the better and are falling into place. My priorities are straight and my motto is “Business before pleasure”. My vision is becoming clearer by the weeks, inspiration has become contagious. In a recent open mic I bumped into a very talented man, a veteran in the world of spoken word, the 2001 slam champion at the “Nuyoricans Post CafĂ©” by the name of Ainsley Burrows. He gave me the best advice. “When I first started there where poets who were better then me but eventually they stopped doing the open mics, I’ve learned that is all about how you dedicate yourself”‘. Everything in life comes with hard work and motivation so I’m willing to give my all to my passion. I’m intrigued by many spoken word artists who are activist who really want to make a difference in the community. Because I as well would love to make change weather it is big more small. Some of the changes I’m interested in are promoting poetry to children. The children are our future and they deserve to have the utmost exposure to creative art.
                         A very close person to me pushed me to come out of my shell. Although I was very stubborn at first he altered my life. I was blessed to cross paths with this individual because that push was necessary. I must say that I would have never taken my writing seriously or even got up on stage if it wasn’t for him I am forever grateful and thankful for this. After that sign more signs kept coming my way indicating to take this direction. I remember randomly picking up a book and I opened it and the book was about a group of high school kids who there teacher had them do open mics every Friday during class.  This was I interesting because that book had been laying around in my house for years now and I had picked it up to read it just in time .I must say that after  reading this book I was debating weather taking up spoken word or not . Another sign was when I was taking a walk in Central park. And some one had chalked into the ground “Become your dream” This was the last and final sign before I went up on stage. Being on stage has opened up new doors for me and created new opportunities. Like they say one door opens new doors. This is only the beginning of the journey .I’m looking forward and I’m excited to see what’s in store for me .To be continued..................