Tuesday, June 28, 2011

So Lucky

I remember you used to tell me
"Any man would be lucky to have you"
I used to wonder if it was a generic way of you being just a friend to me
Or if you felt lucky just to have me
I could see right through you that
You wondered about being that lucky man
There was something about your words
And the way you would speak staring into the distance
As if it meant the world to you that I sat there and listened
I listened with my ear and remember with my heart
Although I cant remember every word
I remember exactly how it made you feel
The closeness of late night conversations and revelations
Reading along the lines I threaded
We said so much but didn’t really say anything at all
We did so much but didn’t really do much of anything
Suppressed into this never-ending circle of “friendship”
Feeling lucky that I had the man of my dreams as my best friend
Lucky to be in your presence
Lucky just to have you
I knew all about you
You knew all about me
You dipped into my sea
And only got deeper and deeper
But you still found a way to come back for air
Because the kind of I love I offered left you breathless
But still we didn’t know much of anything
I just knew you swayed where ever my rivers flowed
But you never took the time to take to swim ahead of me
You just wanted to stand still forever
Standing still just wasn’t in my agenda
I just wanted you to grow wit me
Over flooded with feelings
Caring too much
Then forced to act like I just didn’t care
Feeling like a robot
But I was only human
Only so much I can let grow in my heart
With out wondering what now?
All unspoken
But I read between the lines
That this would never be
No matter how many “I love yous’ came from your mouth
I needed more then just the words
I need stability and actions
Taking a leap of faith on love
One that you weren’t willing to take
I just trusted you enough to let you in
So you came in
And in the end you just couldn’t stand to be that lucky man
In the process of helping me pick up the pieces of a heart shattered
I must have cut you too
The same way you cut me
Lucky strike I have realized I was giving my love to the wrong guy
Once again
Generic being
Blending in with the rest of the zombies
Failing short of themselves
Only to fall into comfort zones
But if you really knew me
You would know I never get too comfortable
Because at the end of the day
Everyone is replaceable
And having somebody is not a necessity
It was more of a luxury
If you couldn’t quite figure out what love meant to you
Then you would never see how worthy I really am
Seeing eye to eye became irrelevant
And I was just trying to stay in relevance
That I gave it to you on a silver platter
But you just simply won't let your self love me
So I’m the one who got away
And that’s fine with me
Lucky me
To realize your confusion was a blessing in disguise

By Lina Gonzalez

1 comment:

  1. You pulled this poem right out my mind I swear..as a fellow poet...this poem as personified what I could not materialize into words! I mean u captured every aspect fluidly. I love this piece..thank you for helping me heal..I do read your poems regularly but I don't really comment because I rarely have time to do so. But you are great! Thanks so much