So Lucky

I remember you used to tell me

"Any man would be lucky to have you"

I used to wonder if it was a generic way of you being just a friend to me

Or if you felt lucky just to have me

I could see right through you that

You wondered about being that lucky man

There was something about your words

And the way you would speak staring into the distance

As if it meant the world to you that I sat there and listened

I listened with my ear and remember with my heart

Although I cant remember every word

I remember exactly how it made you feel

The closeness of late night conversations and revelations

Reading along the lines I threaded

We said so much but didn’t really say anything at all

We did so much but didn’t really do much of anything

Suppressed into this never-ending circle of “friendship”

Feeling lucky that I had the man of my dreams as my best friend

Lucky to be in your presence

Lucky just to have you

I knew all about you

You knew all about me

You dipped into my sea

And only got deeper and deeper

But you still found a way to come back for air

Because the kind of I love I offered left you breathless

But still we didn’t know much of anything

I just knew you swayed where ever my rivers flowed

But you never took the time to take to swim ahead of me

You just wanted to stand still forever

Standing still just wasn’t in my agenda

I just wanted you to grow wit me

Over flooded with feelings

Caring too much

Then forced to act like I just didn’t care

Feeling like a robot

But I was only human

Only so much I can let grow in my heart

With out wondering what now?

Lucky??????????

All unspoken

But I read between the lines

That this would never be

No matter how many “I love yous’ came from your mouth

I needed more then just the words

I need stability and actions

Taking a leap of faith on love

One that you weren’t willing to take

I just trusted you enough to let you in

So you came in

And in the end you just couldn’t stand to be that lucky man

In the process of helping me pick up the pieces of a heart shattered

I must have cut you too

The same way you cut me

Lucky strike I have realized I was giving my love to the wrong guy

Once again

Generic being

Blending in with the rest of the zombies

Failing short of themselves

Only to fall into comfort zones

But if you really knew me

You would know I never get too comfortable

Because at the end of the day

Everyone is replaceable

And having somebody is not a necessity

It was more of a luxury

If you couldn’t quite figure out what love meant to you

Then you would never see how worthy I really am

Seeing eye to eye became irrelevant

And I was just trying to stay in relevance

That I gave it to you on a silver platter

But you just simply won't let your self love me

So I’m the one who got away

And that’s fine with me

Lucky me

To realize your confusion was a blessing in disguise

By Lina Gonzalez

United States of Zombies

We wake up every morning to chase dead presidents
Paper chasing bills that read "In god we trust"
These white collard thieves don’t fool me with this fake religion scheme
We swear on a bible to the" To tell the truth. Nothing but the truth "
Ironically a system built on lies
This is what I call a gimmick
The government trying to run us out of our own minds
Our sanity
Brainwashed zombies
Trying to own the only thing we have control over
Our Minds!
And here we go again!
The glory shined on a new black president!
They are just deviating our minds away from was really happening
Distracting us
They say "That we are doing way better because we have finally reached this new level of equality "
I call this the new level of doom
How much worse can this get?
They say there is a war on terrorism.
The only terrorists I see are these politicians
Invading in our privacy
Brainwashing us with media
They even know what every home is watching on TV
Sate lite TV.....................
Can you take a hint?
We are deaf not listening to was really going on
We are blind the truth is right in front of us
Senseless the news feeds us doses of fear
Every fucking day
The morning news!
The news at 12!
The six o clock news!
The then 10 clock news
A dose of negativity right when we wake up
and right before we sleep
I can not take this evil medicine anymore
They sell freedom to young warriors and exchange them with machine guns
We have to buy our way into everything
To kill for peace?
Sent out to hide behind war trenches outlined with a better tomorrow
I’m wishing that your rifles shot bullets of knowledge
instead of looking for weapons of mass destruction
If we really pay attention the war is about money
We live for the dollar bill
They rape us for the dollar
Causing mass destruction on our people
These weapon to end the world
Well the world is slowly ending how much worse can this get ?
The governments only agenda is steal our money
We have become a nation of zombies with no identity
Sex sells on television
And kids go and put what they see on repetition
We complain that the bible is man-made and we question why we should praise it
But go ahead and obsess and idolize over man made materials
Louie ,Fendi, Gucci,
We wont praise Jesus but know the names to ridiculous songs
Cant even remember sacred palms
How hypocritical
All this commotion seems political
The media has the youth under a spell
There is no difference between earth and hell
Guns sex violence and drugs
Kids exchange knowledge for dubbs
Why is it that all the wrong things are appealing?
People have forgotten the power of self healing
America is addicted to pornography
We are the killer of babies
Get our nuts off and abortion is the result
Abortion...........
This nation is suffering
Addicted to pain killers while the pain still kills ya .
We are trying to diminish pain temporarily
And anti depressants are the new fads
the national debt is way beyond us
Survival of the fittest
Working class at the bottom of the food chain getting raped for our last dollars
We are hypnotized by ads to buy buy
They follow you know what you like
and throw it in your face
Debit Cards tracking system..................
Do you get the hint?
And work for the rest of are lives always owing somebody
Gving our lives to these credit card companies
Owe owe owe! And then the devil comes after our souls
Calling us bothering us asking when we will send over money
"How would you like to pay mam, can we sign you up for easy rape.*cough cough * I mean easy pay
Amercia the land of the free or the land of the doomed ?
Like the leading epidemics like child abuse!
What kind of fucked up shyt is that ?
We living in the land where adults get off by fucking children
Seems like Americans would do anything for a nut
Are we in recuperation? Or are we in mental deprivation?
Not everything you see on TV is clear
And materials are not self fulfilling
More people get divorced then get married
People welcome new fads into their lives more then God
People think is bad to love and strive for lives alone
Talk abut incredibly wicked !
We are zombies
Our eyes are dollar signs
We walk in one direction’
Lead by the sick hypnotism of this political nuisance
We are nothing but dollar signs to the govt.
Bar codes
Scan me please out of this catastrophe
A bunch of numbers that just don’t add up

By Lina Gonzalez

You are Appreciated

There’s a day that I will never forget

I sat on her lap gave her a huge hug and kissed her on the cheek

I asked her if she would always be there for me to save me from all the monsters

And she responded “No, there aren’t any monsters"

So I tried asking again hoping that she would give me a different answer

And asked

“Would you try to take them away?”

And she said "Yes"

The monsters I was thinking of were ones that lingered under my bed

Behind shadows

In closets

Ghouls and goblins

Green monsters from TV with eerie voices

Blood sucking vampires

And evil spell binding witches

As I grew older

These Ghouls turned to loneliness

Goblins into despair

Scary things from under my bed became betrayal, bipolar disorder, anger management, trust issues and Death.

If only I could go back to when my mother used to rub my forehead

Back to the days when she was able to cure my bumps and bruises with band aids

If only life were that simple

She used to say don’t be in such a hurry to grow up

Childhood years are short

I never knew what she meant just knew in the back of my head that I would one day understand

She was my first home

 Home is where the heart is

And my mother was my first kiss

The transfer of love from her lips to my forehead

And my mother taught me how to be kind

Taught me the value friendship

Also taught me the good old fashion beatings

I was sheltered

Only because she was trying to protect me

I no longer need protection

You need it now

But I promise to take care of you when you get to old age

To dry your eyes the same way you did for me when I was younger

To give you head rubs when you no longer can walk

To give back the same love that you taught me

You see I know nothing last forever

And one day we will no longer be next to each other in the flesh

But our mother daughter bond shall live forever

And when I have my own daughter I will do things a little differently

But I will always show her how to pray how you taught me

Hot to love how u loved me

How to forgive how u forgave me

And if could take back every wrong thing I ever said about you

I would

But I can’t

So I will just make it up

Because this is unconditional love

And though we aren’t traditional best friends

In my mind you are

Because a best friend does exactly what you do

And though sometimes you don’t understand what I do

I know u still have the faith in me that I’m doing it all for the right reasons

And though I have broken your heart

Done the all the wrongs things just to get them right

I’m proud to say you have taught me well

For this I am thankful

There’s no greater love then a mothers love

 How I beg to be that little girl again

The one who run by her side

Hold her hand to cross the street

Now I’m too old for that

If only I could go back and have my mother tuck me in bed

To the moment when she taught me how to pray

Taught me to believe in higher beings

She spoke of God and all the miracles he created

And I believed every word

And when I was down you said

"Nadie se a muerto , levantate de ahi que el mundo sique y sique”

And when I ran away you took me back with open arms

And when I’m down to my last dollar

You give me your last dollar

If I’m hungry you would give me your last meal

And if you could take the load off my back

You would

So correction

Because you did show me how to kill off the monsters

By Lina Gonzalez

Sick Love Melody Pt.2

You come close

I get closer

I lay my head on your chest

And listen to the sounds

It’s a melody

And it’s sick

Ill to my stomach

Got my heart on overdrive

Beating on my chest cavity wanting to rip

Open through my flesh and into your chest to become one

I listen closer

I’m addicted

The music goes into my ear

And travels through my body

Backpacking its way to my heart
Seeping its way into the cracks

Attaching it self like a leech

Now my life is being sucked right out of me

I’m stuck

My mind is cluttered

There’s is no room to think this through

My thoughts are loud

They scream your name

And hymn your song

When I’m awake

And when I dream I hear faint sounds in the distant of this “sick love melody”

Only sounds I can hear now are your sick love melody

And nobody can tell me anything

“That you’re bad for me “

“That you’re like the rest of them “

I’m jumping on cloud nines

Careful to not trip and slip back to reality

Quite stupidly in love

My mind has run out of fuel

But my heart keeps bumping pretty sounds

Of your sick love melody

I have no room left to think of this consequence

The consequence of one day you stopping the song

I want to hear this sound even if it is a broken record

I want to hear it over and over like a song they play out on the radio

The beat to your sick love melody beats fast then beats slowly

Apparently I’m not your wedding song

I’m more like the song you keep in your Ipod because it is” classic”

A “must have”

 You skip me over on your play list

You turn me on till the melody drops

You turn me on then you turn me off

Like an option

I am tired of only being your song

You turn me up only when you’re down

I’m turning you off!

So I forget about you and your tunes

And you come back around playing the same old song

The harp strings on my heart have worn out

And have rusted with time

We can’t sing together

We can’t play together

Throw this record player out

I have gone deaf

Silence!

I’m SICK of this love melody

By Lina Gonzalez Inspired by Tim Rupnarain

The Point of Complication

I am going to love you like no other
With everything inside of me 
The love of a woman runs deep beneath the wishing well
Your wishes become true
But here is the trick
I'm going to love you until the point of complication
I will run away with your heart and steal it 
Because the point where it all goes down hill I will not be taking 
How can I give something my all when its not going to last forever

Is crazy how they say something don’t last forever

But love seems to creep in us still like ghosts

Haunting the life of me 

Starting up unfinished business

People say they are in love when they get those butterflies in their tummy

I know I’m  in love when I start a race

Yeah that’s right a race

A race against you

Escaping something great

Running away and never coming back

My words leave me so freely

But I still have a hold on them

Careful to give you only part of me

Conversations become stale because I'm afraid to show  myself

Jokes become constant in order to conceal how nervous I actually feel

Kisses become rushed in order not to feel the rush that goes through my body

In order not to go through a great catastrophe

Holding hands with loose grips

The electricity shatters my skin travels

Into my heart

Your electric shock has me zoned

I can't hold on long enough to let this shock kill my spirit

So I run

I run build walls greater then the one in Berlin

I run !

Set boobie traps so you wont find me

So maybe that you will trip and fall

To the ground and in love with someone else

I run

Into an abyss with no location

No GPS

Just a trail of unwanted certainties

Fuck this your saying all the right things

Appreciating me all the right ways

But I run

I am afraid of uncertainties

I like concrete ideas

The idea of meeting someone taking them home

 Doing what I please and kicking them out in the morning

Because it is certain  that they will be gone in the morning

You wont know if its  going to be disaster

You know that’s a risk your not willing to take

They say if you went through it the first time

And you made it through a heartbreak

Why is it so hard

To do it again?

Because you just wish it wouldn't happen again

Because you just remember how hard it was the last time

Not being able to escape

I don’t ever want to be trapped

And baby your love has me caged

Against four walls

In my mind

But I'm too proud for this shyt

Proud to act like I feel

Proud to act like the sight of you melts me away

I don’t know how many more hits   I can take

Acting like I just don’t care

Because pretending not to care hurts just the same

Because baby I rather see you love someone else

Leave ours the way it is because it is not yet broken
I have reached the point of perfection

Whats certain is that
 

Love vs Trust

Guy: You say we're all no good
Meanwhile I'm trying to use the words that escape my mouth
To erase the mistakes your ex-boyfriend drew onto your long-term memory,
But your eyes seem to be dyslexic when it comes to love
Cause even when I tell you the truth you distort it to see lies,
It’s like you built a wall around your heart and melted the keys
Now I’m on the outside looking in
Putting my all into your heart and there’s no way of even seeing what’s inside


Girl: It will take more than words to take down this gallery
A gallery created with lies for building blocks
The museum of the collection of broken hearts
Every painting with ex boyfriends initials at far right corners
There is no erasing to what has been drawn with pen
Pen turned to knives leaving scratches indented into my mind
No whiteout to cover up what’s underneath
And in this gallery surrounded by pretty white picket fences
Turned into haunted mansions of disbelief
Please paint me a pretty picture
Now tell me can you build me a museum
Hop into my dreams like inception?
And kill off my long term memory?
Erase mistrust with love?
Love lost and no love found
I extract truths to be lies
Because I have yet to see a man do any good
You have fallen in love
And I’m falling in pride
Guy: They say when a heart breaks it never breaks even
But I refuse to let any man get the better half of yours,
Look in my eyes
When you do you’re staring in the face of hurt,
Trust me I’ve been through pain too
Those same knives that found their way to your mind
Were the same ones placed in my back
By women whose unsure hands I was stupid enough to let hold my trust,
Only for them to carelessly let it fall to the ground and shatter into pieces of regret,
But I found your smile and it performed surgery on my hope,
It slowly healed all my wounds and faded away my scars
And ever since I’ve been trying to do the same for you,
I’m not asking you to renovate your museum
I’m just asking for you to open the door,
Let me in so I can see the exhibits of hurt from your point of view,
There is no erasing to what has been drawn with pen
But that doesn't mean it’s impossible to rewrite history,
Even the ugliest paintings that haunt your dreams
Can be turned upside down to change the way you see them,
I want to flood you with my trust and drown your thoughts until I flush out all your misconceptions,
I want the honesty in my voice to run through your veins and slightly clog your arteries
So every time your heart beats you feel a part of me,
I just want to find the key to your heart so I can be a part of you,


Girl:I can't deny that my heart stops when your next me
Drowned in kisses that create music
Orchestras and symphonies
Every kiss ending with a smile
Our hearts intertwine
Making snowflakes fall from the sky one by one
One for every moment in time
And eyes closed, body to body I see visions
Like a movie playing in my mind silhouettes of yesterday ghost trying to
Ruin this
And I run
devil on my shoulder ordering me to flee
Bitter sweet to all of this
Falling in love
Hearts walking on suspension lines
Please keep me balanced
Between my dark side and my other dark side
And if throw myself out the window with this one
Will u be willing to catch me?
Or maybe fly me with mid fall?
I’m floating on clouds
But I remove these clouds from under me every time


Guy :I’ll gladly fall asleep with my arms stretched to catch you if you ever fall in my dreams
Or maybe just keep them outstretched for you to hold on to,
There’s 8,736 hours in a year but I’m not asking for all of your time
Just give me a chance to rewrite your opinions written by years of disappointment
Just let me guide your mind to a place called trust where everything seems unfamiliar
I’ll leave a trail of bread crumbs just in case your heart becomes lost in what’s new to you
And I promise your only regret will be that you had to be hit so many times with hurt to find out how true love feels.


by Lina Gonzalez and Mark Payne