Tuesday, June 28, 2011

So Lucky

I remember you used to tell me
"Any man would be lucky to have you"
I used to wonder if it was a generic way of you being just a friend to me
Or if you felt lucky just to have me
I could see right through you that
You wondered about being that lucky man
There was something about your words
And the way you would speak staring into the distance
As if it meant the world to you that I sat there and listened
I listened with my ear and remember with my heart
Although I cant remember every word
I remember exactly how it made you feel
The closeness of late night conversations and revelations
Reading along the lines I threaded
We said so much but didn’t really say anything at all
We did so much but didn’t really do much of anything
Suppressed into this never-ending circle of “friendship”
Feeling lucky that I had the man of my dreams as my best friend
Lucky to be in your presence
Lucky just to have you
I knew all about you
You knew all about me
You dipped into my sea
And only got deeper and deeper
But you still found a way to come back for air
Because the kind of I love I offered left you breathless
But still we didn’t know much of anything
I just knew you swayed where ever my rivers flowed
But you never took the time to take to swim ahead of me
You just wanted to stand still forever
Standing still just wasn’t in my agenda
I just wanted you to grow wit me
Over flooded with feelings
Caring too much
Then forced to act like I just didn’t care
Feeling like a robot
But I was only human
Only so much I can let grow in my heart
With out wondering what now?
All unspoken
But I read between the lines
That this would never be
No matter how many “I love yous’ came from your mouth
I needed more then just the words
I need stability and actions
Taking a leap of faith on love
One that you weren’t willing to take
I just trusted you enough to let you in
So you came in
And in the end you just couldn’t stand to be that lucky man
In the process of helping me pick up the pieces of a heart shattered
I must have cut you too
The same way you cut me
Lucky strike I have realized I was giving my love to the wrong guy
Once again
Generic being
Blending in with the rest of the zombies
Failing short of themselves
Only to fall into comfort zones
But if you really knew me
You would know I never get too comfortable
Because at the end of the day
Everyone is replaceable
And having somebody is not a necessity
It was more of a luxury
If you couldn’t quite figure out what love meant to you
Then you would never see how worthy I really am
Seeing eye to eye became irrelevant
And I was just trying to stay in relevance
That I gave it to you on a silver platter
But you just simply won't let your self love me
So I’m the one who got away
And that’s fine with me
Lucky me
To realize your confusion was a blessing in disguise

By Lina Gonzalez

Monday, June 27, 2011

United States of Zombies

We wake up every morning to chase dead presidents
Paper chasing bills that read "In god we trust"
These white collard thieves don’t fool me with this fake religion scheme
We swear on a bible to the" To tell the truth. Nothing but the truth "
Ironically a system built on lies
This is what I call a gimmick
The government trying to run us out of our own minds
Our sanity
Brainwashed zombies
Trying to own the only thing we have control over
Our Minds!
And here we go again!
The glory shined on a new black president!
They are just deviating our minds away from was really happening
Distracting us
They say "That we are doing way better because we have finally reached this new level of equality "
I call this the new level of doom
How much worse can this get?
They say there is a war on terrorism.
The only terrorists I see are these politicians
Invading in our privacy
Brainwashing us with media
They even know what every home is watching on TV
Sate lite TV.....................
Can you take a hint?
We are deaf not listening to was really going on
We are blind the truth is right in front of us
Senseless the news feeds us doses of fear
Every fucking day
The morning news!
The news at 12!
The six o clock news!
The then 10 clock news
A dose of negativity right when we wake up
and right before we sleep
I can not take this evil medicine anymore
They sell freedom to young warriors and exchange them with machine guns
We have to buy our way into everything
To kill for peace?
Sent out to hide behind war trenches outlined with a better tomorrow
I’m wishing that your rifles shot bullets of knowledge
instead of looking for weapons of mass destruction
If we really pay attention the war is about money
We live for the dollar bill
They rape us for the dollar
Causing mass destruction on our people
These weapon to end the world
Well the world is slowly ending how much worse can this get ?
The governments only agenda is steal our money
We have become a nation of zombies with no identity
Sex sells on television
And kids go and put what they see on repetition
We complain that the bible is man-made and we question why we should praise it
But go ahead and obsess and idolize over man made materials
Louie ,Fendi, Gucci,
We wont praise Jesus but know the names to ridiculous songs
Cant even remember sacred palms
How hypocritical
All this commotion seems political
The media has the youth under a spell
There is no difference between earth and hell
Guns sex violence and drugs
Kids exchange knowledge for dubbs
Why is it that all the wrong things are appealing?
People have forgotten the power of self healing
America is addicted to pornography
We are the killer of babies
Get our nuts off and abortion is the result
This nation is suffering
Addicted to pain killers while the pain still kills ya .
We are trying to diminish pain temporarily
And anti depressants are the new fads
the national debt is way beyond us
Survival of the fittest
Working class at the bottom of the food chain getting raped for our last dollars
We are hypnotized by ads to buy buy
They follow you know what you like
and throw it in your face
Debit Cards tracking system..................
Do you get the hint?
And work for the rest of are lives always owing somebody
Gving our lives to these credit card companies
Owe owe owe! And then the devil comes after our souls
Calling us bothering us asking when we will send over money
"How would you like to pay mam, can we sign you up for easy rape.*cough cough * I mean easy pay
Amercia the land of the free or the land of the doomed ?
Like the leading epidemics like child abuse!
What kind of fucked up shyt is that ?
We living in the land where adults get off by fucking children
Seems like Americans would do anything for a nut
Are we in recuperation? Or are we in mental deprivation?
Not everything you see on TV is clear
And materials are not self fulfilling
More people get divorced then get married
People welcome new fads into their lives more then God
People think is bad to love and strive for lives alone
Talk abut incredibly wicked !
We are zombies
Our eyes are dollar signs
We walk in one direction’
Lead by the sick hypnotism of this political nuisance
We are nothing but dollar signs to the govt.
Bar codes
Scan me please out of this catastrophe
A bunch of numbers that just don’t add up

By Lina Gonzalez

You are Appreciated

There’s a day that I will never forget
I sat on her lap gave her a huge hug and kissed her on the cheek
I asked her if she would always be there for me to save me from all the monsters
And she responded “No, there aren’t any monsters"
So I tried asking again hoping that she would give me a different answer
And asked
“Would you try to take them away?”
And she said "Yes"
The monsters I was thinking of were ones that lingered under my bed
Behind shadows
In closets
Ghouls and goblins
Green monsters from TV with eerie voices
Blood sucking vampires
And evil spell binding witches
As I grew older
These Ghouls turned to loneliness
Goblins into despair
Scary things from under my bed became betrayal, bipolar disorder, anger management, trust issues and Death.
If only I could go back to when my mother used to rub my forehead
Back to the days when she was able to cure my bumps and bruises with band aids
If only life were that simple
She used to say don’t be in such a hurry to grow up
Childhood years are short
I never knew what she meant just knew in the back of my head that I would one day understand
She was my first home
 Home is where the heart is
And my mother was my first kiss
The transfer of love from her lips to my forehead
And my mother taught me how to be kind
Taught me the value friendship
Also taught me the good old fashion beatings
I was sheltered
Only because she was trying to protect me
I no longer need protection
You need it now
But I promise to take care of you when you get to old age
To dry your eyes the same way you did for me when I was younger
To give you head rubs when you no longer can walk
To give back the same love that you taught me
You see I know nothing last forever
And one day we will no longer be next to each other in the flesh
But our mother daughter bond shall live forever
And when I have my own daughter I will do things a little differently
But I will always show her how to pray how you taught me
Hot to love how u loved me
How to forgive how u forgave me
And if could take back every wrong thing I ever said about you
I would
But I can’t
So I will just make it up
Because this is unconditional love
And though we aren’t traditional best friends
In my mind you are
Because a best friend does exactly what you do
And though sometimes you don’t understand what I do
I know u still have the faith in me that I’m doing it all for the right reasons
And though I have broken your heart
Done the all the wrongs things just to get them right
I’m proud to say you have taught me well
For this I am thankful
There’s no greater love then a mothers love
 How I beg to be that little girl again
The one who run by her side
Hold her hand to cross the street
Now I’m too old for that
If only I could go back and have my mother tuck me in bed
To the moment when she taught me how to pray
Taught me to believe in higher beings
She spoke of God and all the miracles he created
And I believed every word
And when I was down you said
"Nadie se a muerto , levantate de ahi que el mundo sique y sique”
And when I ran away you took me back with open arms
And when I’m down to my last dollar
You give me your last dollar
If I’m hungry you would give me your last meal
And if you could take the load off my back
You would
So correction
Because you did show me how to kill off the monsters

By Lina Gonzalez

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Sick Love Melody Pt.2

You come close
I get closer
I lay my head on your chest
And listen to the sounds
It’s a melody
And it’s sick
Ill to my stomach
Got my heart on overdrive
Beating on my chest cavity wanting to rip
Open through my flesh and into your chest to become one
I listen closer
I’m addicted
The music goes into my ear
And travels through my body
Backpacking its way to my heart
Seeping its way into the cracks
Attaching it self like a leech
Now my life is being sucked right out of me
I’m stuck
My mind is cluttered
There’s is no room to think this through
My thoughts are loud
They scream your name
And hymn your song
When I’m awake
And when I dream I hear faint sounds in the distant of this “sick love melody”
Only sounds I can hear now are your sick love melody
And nobody can tell me anything
“That you’re bad for me “
“That you’re like the rest of them “
I’m jumping on cloud nines
Careful to not trip and slip back to reality
Quite stupidly in love
My mind has run out of fuel
But my heart keeps bumping pretty sounds
Of your sick love melody
I have no room left to think of this consequence
The consequence of one day you stopping the song
I want to hear this sound even if it is a broken record
I want to hear it over and over like a song they play out on the radio
The beat to your sick love melody beats fast then beats slowly
Apparently I’m not your wedding song
I’m more like the song you keep in your Ipod because it is” classic”
A “must have”
 You skip me over on your play list
You turn me on till the melody drops
You turn me on then you turn me off
Like an option
I am tired of only being your song
You turn me up only when you’re down
I’m turning you off!
So I forget about you and your tunes
And you come back around playing the same old song
The harp strings on my heart have worn out
And have rusted with time
We can’t sing together
We can’t play together
Throw this record player out
I have gone deaf
I’m SICK of this love melody

By Lina Gonzalez Inspired by Tim Rupnarain

Friday, June 17, 2011

The Point of Complication

I am going to love you like no other
With everything inside of me 
The love of a woman runs deep beneath the wishing well
Your wishes become true
But here is the trick
I'm going to love you until the point of complication
I will run away with your heart and steal it 
Because the point where it all goes down hill I will not be taking 
How can I give something my all when its not going to last forever
Is crazy how they say something don’t last forever
But love seems to creep in us still like ghosts
Haunting the life of me 
Starting up unfinished business
People say they are in love when they get those butterflies in their tummy
I know I’m  in love when I start a race
Yeah that’s right a race
A race against you
Escaping something great
Running away and never coming back
My words leave me so freely
But I still have a hold on them
Careful to give you only part of me
Conversations become stale because I'm afraid to show  myself
Jokes become constant in order to conceal how nervous I actually feel
Kisses become rushed in order not to feel the rush that goes through my body
In order not to go through a great catastrophe
Holding hands with loose grips
The electricity shatters my skin travels
Into my heart
Your electric shock has me zoned
I can't hold on long enough to let this shock kill my spirit
So I run
I run build walls greater then the one in Berlin
I run !
Set boobie traps so you wont find me
So maybe that you will trip and fall
To the ground and in love with someone else
I run
Into an abyss with no location
Just a trail of unwanted certainties
Fuck this your saying all the right things
Appreciating me all the right ways
But I run
I am afraid of uncertainties
I like concrete ideas
The idea of meeting someone taking them home
 Doing what I please and kicking them out in the morning
Because it is certain  that they will be gone in the morning
You wont know if its  going to be disaster
You know that’s a risk your not willing to take
They say if you went through it the first time
And you made it through a heartbreak
Why is it so hard
To do it again?
Because you just wish it wouldn't happen again
Because you just remember how hard it was the last time
Not being able to escape
I don’t ever want to be trapped
And baby your love has me caged
Against four walls
In my mind
But I'm too proud for this shyt
Proud to act like I feel
Proud to act like the sight of you melts me away
I don’t know how many more hits   I can take
Acting like I just don’t care
Because pretending not to care hurts just the same
Because baby I rather see you love someone else
Leave ours the way it is because it is not yet broken
I have reached the point of perfection
Whats certain is that

Love vs Trust

Guy: You say we're all no good
Meanwhile I'm trying to use the words that escape my mouth
To erase the mistakes your ex-boyfriend drew onto your long-term memory,
But your eyes seem to be dyslexic when it comes to love
Cause even when I tell you the truth you distort it to see lies,
It’s like you built a wall around your heart and melted the keys
Now I’m on the outside looking in
Putting my all into your heart and there’s no way of even seeing what’s inside

Girl: It will take more than words to take down this gallery
A gallery created with lies for building blocks
The museum of the collection of broken hearts
Every painting with ex boyfriends initials at far right corners
There is no erasing to what has been drawn with pen
Pen turned to knives leaving scratches indented into my mind
No whiteout to cover up what’s underneath
And in this gallery surrounded by pretty white picket fences
Turned into haunted mansions of disbelief
Please paint me a pretty picture
Now tell me can you build me a museum
Hop into my dreams like inception?
And kill off my long term memory?
Erase mistrust with love?
Love lost and no love found
I extract truths to be lies
Because I have yet to see a man do any good
You have fallen in love
And I’m falling in pride
Guy: They say when a heart breaks it never breaks even
But I refuse to let any man get the better half of yours,
Look in my eyes
When you do you’re staring in the face of hurt,
Trust me I’ve been through pain too
Those same knives that found their way to your mind
Were the same ones placed in my back
By women whose unsure hands I was stupid enough to let hold my trust,
Only for them to carelessly let it fall to the ground and shatter into pieces of regret,
But I found your smile and it performed surgery on my hope,
It slowly healed all my wounds and faded away my scars
And ever since I’ve been trying to do the same for you,
I’m not asking you to renovate your museum
I’m just asking for you to open the door,
Let me in so I can see the exhibits of hurt from your point of view,
There is no erasing to what has been drawn with pen
But that doesn't mean it’s impossible to rewrite history,
Even the ugliest paintings that haunt your dreams
Can be turned upside down to change the way you see them,
I want to flood you with my trust and drown your thoughts until I flush out all your misconceptions,
I want the honesty in my voice to run through your veins and slightly clog your arteries
So every time your heart beats you feel a part of me,
I just want to find the key to your heart so I can be a part of you,

Girl:I can't deny that my heart stops when your next me
Drowned in kisses that create music
Orchestras and symphonies
Every kiss ending with a smile
Our hearts intertwine
Making snowflakes fall from the sky one by one
One for every moment in time
And eyes closed, body to body I see visions
Like a movie playing in my mind silhouettes of yesterday ghost trying to
Ruin this
And I run
devil on my shoulder ordering me to flee
Bitter sweet to all of this
Falling in love
Hearts walking on suspension lines
Please keep me balanced
Between my dark side and my other dark side
And if throw myself out the window with this one
Will u be willing to catch me?
Or maybe fly me with mid fall?
I’m floating on clouds
But I remove these clouds from under me every time

Guy :I’ll gladly fall asleep with my arms stretched to catch you if you ever fall in my dreams
Or maybe just keep them outstretched for you to hold on to,
There’s 8,736 hours in a year but I’m not asking for all of your time
Just give me a chance to rewrite your opinions written by years of disappointment
Just let me guide your mind to a place called trust where everything seems unfamiliar
I’ll leave a trail of bread crumbs just in case your heart becomes lost in what’s new to you
And I promise your only regret will be that you had to be hit so many times with hurt to find out how true love feels.

by Lina Gonzalez and Mark Payne