#Winning

We used to laugh together
We used to change the weather
We used to cry together
There was pain there was  pleasure
You brought me down moons and stars with our names carved followed by forever ……
Forever was promised
 But forever never came around
 Forever was like chasing a ghost
There is no way you will catch it
You think you see it
But its your mind playing tricks on you
I should have listened to stupid quotes like “Promises are meant to be broken”
because
Promises broke along with innocence
This was a treacherous game
Where you would blind my eyes’
deafen  my ears’
fog my mind
and stab my heart
I had a clean slate and you were up a notch
What is the score me against you?
Innocence against a trained liar
Trained by male ego , insecurity and society
Those that choose quantity over quality
Those that chase skirts
And do their dirt
Turned bull shyt into truth
Stories to down play my beliefs
I never did believe any of it  you know
I pretended to for the sake of love
Blind love
So I too I’m a liar
A deceiver
Just as bad as you
I was lying to you and to my self
That this thing would last that I was “fine”
This bitter sweet feeling
Stupid me to let it get to me
I didn’t know any better
The game is consistent
As follows………..
You lie you cheat you beg you cry and im back it again
Yea was new????????
Only have my self to blame
I was attached to a story teller
Writing out
 Four page letters of
“it will get betters “
I was on a losing streak
Losing my self
Losing respect for you
Losing trust
Losing love
Gaining lust for others
Gracefully ignoring reality
Ignoring the fact that I fit perfectly into your comfort zone
You were addicted to getting away with it
And I was addicted to love
And you had no care because this was a game
And games are meant to be fun
And someone’s bound to get played
This game wasn’t fun to me
Blaming my self for so much disrespect
In the name of love I was shame
In the name if love I put immature men before me
In the name of love I became what I was so fearful to become
In the name of love I gave up my identity
In the name of love I was overpowered  with jealousies
So in this game who is really winning?
Me or you?
Me!
Because god send angles to me who
where generous enough to give me the wings off their backs
I have lost nothing 
I have gained my self
And that is the winning relationship
So when it is all said and done
Who im I?
A woman with tear drenched pillows?
Or a soul survivor?
Soul survivor deems better with me
Enough laughs to make up for weeping
Enough smiles to make up for lost tears
I used to think this was the end
The end became the beginning
And the beginning of me
This war became who I used to be
The war became a fight with my self
The old me and the new me just going back and forth
Old me fading
New me thriving
Not who I am today
I look back and rest assured you are the most wonderful mistake that ever happened
My heart is stamped with a mark of new beginnings
And lessons learned
and new life
You walking away from me
Let the sun rays shine on me
Because you were blocking my light
No longer was I walking in your shadow
Im the leader of my walk
The controller of my emotions
The creator of my dreams
Making my own music
So im walking to my own beat
The music from my joy to uplift others
And the game is so glued to my brain that I just sit back and
Let these silly fools play them selves
When they think they are playing me
I’m already two steps ahead
I’m quiet because im thinking
Im honored to have all the right moves
In my mind like a chess player
I’m emotionless because these leeches will latch on to weakness
So strength is the only thing  I crave
I am shining because I am truly winning