The Art of Lonely Men

A woman's most prized possession is in between her legs
Loose women give it up to you with out the mare sound of a beg
Numbers of loose women's, change and condoms in your pocket
You walk around with an empty heart shaped locket
Loneliness consumes your thoughts

Adding to the growing list of all these women you have bought

Nothing compared to the one that has you caught
Up in this schizophrenia , don't know whats real
So numb you don't know how to feel
Heart locked up in a box made of steal
You replace her every night
With easy woman who's panties hit the floor with out a fight
They love you, they call out for you
You respond to their womanly fuse
This is what you do as you wait for the return of the girl you still haven't met
She has you sick , but your a dog no doc you need a vet
Perfection is what you envision
When she comes by is time to play your position
Shes a woman of a million battles and you are meant to be one of her war wounds
She will be a woman down because of you
Failure is but a figment of your imagination
Like a trickster you will trip her and then come to her salvation
And for her.. inside of you a fire burns
Shes built like a church
Beautiful on the outside
Holiness  lives inside
And you  will turn her into a wicked gargoyle of the night time
Hungover days followed by sleepless nights
A male ego tripping on his lonely pride
You continue to insert your keys in locks of doors that lead to nothing nut dead ends
Meet new ones  and your only interest is how far that ass will bend
Create problems and leave you with questions with no answer
This love shyt is starting to kill you like cancer
You send out drunk text messages before the sunrise
The biggest lie you tell in your "good guy" disguise
Now shes fucked in body and mind
You go over board with the caressing
Hide all those feelings your bench pressing
You fuck each and everyone of them pretending
That they were the love you once lost
Imaging that your heart and hers crossed
Living the double standard :No strings attached
But all strings attached to her back
Shes your favorite puppet
You say jump shes jumps right on top , you love it
Hard drugs no highs just a trip
Mixed emotions and mixed drinks
How many girls let you hit?
You have loose women recreating carbon copies of them selves
No abortion they want to all the financial help
Loose woman reproducing bastard children with no direction
Who grow up to be lonely men with the lost power of  affection
Left your mark up in these women
A delusional spiritual famine
While you were busy fucking everything
You passed many queens
Might have overlooked
Because your just so overbooked
and the only way to love a woman whole is through her heart
Lonely men love em in bits ans pieces , puzzle piece art


By Lina Gonzalez

Signs

Once upon a time lived a man
With a super power granted to him by a higher being
He was born to draw
He suffered from procrastination
No matter how many times he used his imagination
He would always end up with unfinished business
Stored thoughts sharp enough to wound enemies
So he cluttered and he cluttered his collection until a war broke out
With his mind he drew himself a world to escape too
So he ran in
Throwing hand grenades at his demons
Sidestepping the devil
Drawing weapons and bombs to survive
Never looking back he entered a world where only art existed
Trees come to life bearing fist
The signs and arrows all pointed in one direction
Unexpectedly he drew up a mountain and moved it
Lost all control of his senses
He saw something moving in the distance
He spotted a young girl at her knees
He didn't draw her up
She just suddenly appeared
His imagination couldn't let him draw things he had never seemed
She wasn't from the depths of his imagination she was real
A one of a kind jewel
Stone cold but beautiful like a purple gem
She was sitting on the beach lonely and mute
She had lost her voice in a fight
So instead she learned how to write
With the only tool available
The sand and the beach
She used branches as her pencil
Writing for so many years
The sun had turned wet sand into rock
It was all written in stone
He walked up carefully not to step on her words
She looked at the sand lost she struggled with with a writers block
His imagination bursts out creating more imagery
He couldn't control what was happening
Uncontrollable paintings filled the air
Nearly transparent no hiding what he was thinking she read him like an x-ray
So she wrote a message on the sand
"I need to get out of here
and when the moment comes I will know the right words to write"
As soon as she saw him
The words came to her
She steady wrote them on the sand
They read
"His picture will paint you a story
Her stories will paint you a picture"
They locked eyes like a lock and key
They seemed like the new Adam and Eve
So the mute girl spoke for the first time in many years
"I been trying to get out of here , i been writing the story,
but couldn't paint the picture"
His response "The signs that lead me here told me I needed drive"
She said" So draw a car" and she wrote
"I will be you battery acid to your engines, I will come with you and finish the story , but you must let also give
me get a try at the drivers seat"
"Rev up your engines
Drive this car to the moon like ET
Draw the world a new skyline
All write it all out from the passenger side
And you just draw these stories
Here we go
Do not slow down
Do not push on the brakes until the new world has been drawn"
He agrees
They don't slow down
He put it on drive
But instead he learned how to fly
He flew until the sky reached nightfall
His pictures glowing in the dark
Like constellations
Drawing and drawing
She kept writing their destination
She wrote about a lot of sunshine
So sunshine he gave her
Unexpected rain approached
This wasn't in the script
They crash back to the ground
It was meant for them to come back down
Wounded he bleeds paint
And her cartoon like words bounce off the floor
These minds so sick
Wanting to vomit creativity on canvases and legal pads
Now they have crash landed from the heavens into the world
God already has planted a full gallery in his mind that he does not even know about
Each moment he blesses the world every time he draws his visions
Archives waiting to arrive to canvas, walls, paper, and skin
To surprise and "Oooohh" and "Ah" the world
His blood creates a yellow brick road
There off to see the wizard
But this time with courage a heart and wisdom
There off to ask the wizard:
That their sins unravel into miracles
To ask the wizard to save the poets who just cannot speak
And that the inspiration would creep
Leaving her pen like doses of magic
A fusion to reality
That his paintings would draw signs for the lost
Monumental perfection
The wizard sat back and
Smoked her poems
Light it up with his paint
Inhaled the magic
Filled his lungs with poetry
Blew out scriptures in cartoons
Put it all in the air
Let it roam the streets
He spread it through the air like an airborne disease
The wizard said:
"This is a purple sky that can fall on me a million times
May your words fill the bellies of empty voids
May inspiration be your gift
You the author and him the illustrator
May your pop-up book turn to life"

By Lina Gonzalez

Scars

This is the first poem I ever performed at an open mic. This is the written version. The spoken word piece is much longer.




 And I surrender now to this room full of flames.

 Ignited by the gas that seeps from my soul...

 I am enraged.

 Here it goes...

 Flesh torn down by broken bottles

I’m the one to blame for this beautiful addition to my body

The masterpiece…

This body is my mural.

A beauty

One of them being the art it portrays

My scars are my art

A voice for every cut

A story for every scar

And danger was the gas to my imagination

While I’m painting pretty pictures of mental fixation

I like to think I’m  digging through my skin to

Dip into my soul

Only to find a pool of boiling fiery red trickling blood

My body the canvas

Arms filled with artistic memorials

My hands my arms my legs

I am the creation

With every cut I scratch away a memory

That’s has been implanted on my heart

These scars are the story of a dangerous me


Tears  replaced by a drops of blood drawn

Tough me

Blinding my self of pain

Bullying me

Inner pain

Numbed out by physical

Cheap bic Razors to skin

With every open wound

The fire would leak

An explosion would occur

I am these scars

I am these cuts

 Every moment in time that was me

Blind rage

A monster

Fury overpowering my body

This is a beautiful canvas

My beautiful scars

And if I ever felt powerless I was wrong

Because the power that rested in me

Was enough to hurt me

The energy invested in my own little surgeries


Ravishing  rivers of red are the streams I’m coming from

And every time I slice my heart

I carve away a lil memory

I am at war with this skin that carries me

Addicted to cold metal sharp objects compressed upon on my skin

Releasing a lil bit of the journey that its been

We cannot be friends

I wear weakness on the bottom of my foot

Stepping on it every time I moved forward

By Lina Gonzalez

Then and Now

 This is me THEN

So many people want happy endings

But in reality most endings and good byes are sad

And if the past happened so many years ago

Why do we keeping taping back into that memory?

Calling to us whispering us tempting us pulling us to relive moments

We live everyday to forget

Tied in appealing bows of insecurities

Melancholic time wrapping is evil finger

 But why are you searching for an ending?

What you are now is the only thing you will ever be

Speeding your way to the future

Leaving your self lost in the tracks

A couple of minutes ago (the past)

You were thinking in circles

Looking in mirrors staring at your own blank stare

Behind the smile a whirl wind

And watching ghost dancing around you in circles

I guess you like that dance a little too much

I catch you waltzing across the room every time

Road blocking you to step foot in the NOW

Then inspiration creeps up on you

Like a heavenly force

Forced to write it out

This is your religion

Releasing the evils out your mind

Tip toeing its way into your soul

The secret code unlocking self expressions

These shoulders carry the weight of mountains

Words crash landing on fragile pieces of paper like boulders

So delicate yet absolutely unbreakable

That was me then


This is me  NOW

It’s entertaining to me when you say I look distracted

My eyes lost in a gaze

I’m light years away

You speak and I do not hear you

I see lips moving

But I can not make sense of anything that is coming out of your mouth

I hear you voice

I am not listening

All that’s crawling in my ears are faint distant sounds

I refuse to be consumed by these harsh realities

Of yesteryear

So I found a place I rather be

Inside of me

One that I have built for my self on my own

And is located deep in the depths of mind

Mountains outlined with similes

Purple clouds gazing over me

A sea filled only with peace

Smoke in the air

This is better then a dream

A sun that never stops shining

It’s never night time here

Eternal sunshine

In here I don’t rush for the night time to come to escape and fall asleep

Daytime all day I’m awake

Alive

The better version of my spirit lives here

I have imagined her up

I just cannot bring her to life

For fear that she will become shattered and polluted

With this cruel real world

So she stays locked up tight in my deepest thought

You will never meet her

Only read about her

I visit her very often

Wish I could I stay with her forever

But my distractions are coming back

I hear someone yelling

“Lina snap out of it “

“What the fuck were you thinking about? I been talking to you for the past ten minutes”

I never say a word

Those ten  minutes seemed like hours

For these  people would never understand where I stand

Or where I have gone

Mobile in the world

But just so out of touch

Time lies on suspension lines

So out of balance

Like de javue

I am living in mind my own mind

This is a place I call home

I’m physically here

But I’m not here

Don’t call me crazy because

I have found a home in my mind

Don’t tell me to come out

If the world is so cold

This world has me starving

I'm feeding my self food for thought

So deep you can’t tap into me

Many levels in this mind

I have reached level 13

The one where is too hard to get out

Don’t want to come out

So perhaps you have got it backwards

You are distracting me from my inner me

Beautiful bliss no ignorance



By Lina Gonzalez

Drugs

I took a hit of that purple
My mind went flying into the clouds
I took a hit of that purple
I couldn’t even feel myself
Instantly hooked
While it traveled through every void filling it up
I was overloaded with “joy”
So wrong to over dose on this
And abuse it
Knew all the rules but decided to break them
Because walking in straight lines just didn’t make the cut
Walking in circles was my kind of dance
I always seem to take detours
And go wherever my mind wanders
Took a hit of that purple and looked death into the eyes
My veins overflowing
My body overflowing with this euphoric state of mind
So many years went by as I survived on that purple
Rarely making the fuckin day
Waking up into another day felt helpless
So I stopped suddenly
And it was taken away for me
Like an addict
Withdrawing every god dam day
Tears filled my eyes
Anxiety filled my chest
Knees hit the ground this is rock bottom
The crash landing was bad 
And when it wasn’t around anymore
Purple pouring rain
I cried these purple tears
Lit purple candles
I was happy just to make it through the day
If I could GPS hell
Id say it was located in my mind
The thoughts that ran through me everyday
Were gruesome enough for movies
Death scenes
Violence
I killed you a thousand times
Each death slower then the last
 This is the result of that purple shyt
So just when it got worse then rock bottom
I thought I was going 6 feet under
Id like to call rehab the ward of time
Slow seconds that become lifetimes
No more of that purple shyt
That clouds my mind
Are you reading between the lines?

By Lina Gonzalez

Full Price Love

I gave you the benefit of the doubt
But you only benefited from me
While my head filled up wit doubts
The clock is ticking
You waste my time my love
You are blessed
Because Im blessing you always
While you perform comfortable sins with my body
But this love is no longer for sale
And it sure isn't it free
But all you want to do is bargain with me
Seems cheap to me
Willing to pay HALF price for my love
While Im left paying the full price for the aftermath
To hell with compromise
I have become restless of just being comfortable
I'm way too much of rebel for “play it safes” and safe zones
Love isn't easy
or guaranteed
But I'm done with ” flirtationships”
More then a friendship
But less then a relationship
I'd fight with you
 But your barb wires have hurt me enough
Tired of the usual young love games
This is a new phase where the 50 /50 begins
So spare me some change
Not done with love
Done with confused souls
Bargains, cheap sales, half prices
Im searching for the jackpot

By Lina Gonzalez

Life

I'm going through hell with a smile on my face brighter then heaven
The negatives try to keep me down
A negative plus a negative equals  a positive
Never been good at math
 I just hope all this shyt just starts to add up
Everyone is looking for there 15 mins
But Im just fine with my 23 years
Not looking for fame not looking for fortune
Just looking for peace
Cranking up the volume on this music
I cant stand to hear my self think
But these voices are loud
 I raise up every waking morning
No time for complications
 I shove them in a corner in the back of my head
“I'm fine”
I am public enemy number one
I'm looking to hunt you down because I can't stand you
But who I'm looking for is me , you see
The worst critique in the world
Miss self destruct
Miss raise up
Miss positivity, smile so bright
Miss Super woman always saving everybody
Who's going to save me?
I paint pictures of light
for everybody
leading them to paths of recuperation
Feeling like is me and against the world
always at odds
I'm never even
Me against the stress
But I'm running with the feeling of the weekend
High and drunk
Because I am too weak for sobriety , but strong enough for this alcohol tolerance
I run and I run and I find myself falling
 And Im lost like Alice in  wonderland
Falling into the never ending hole
What do you when your at battle with yourself?
Your mind running away from you
Because it is sick of you
Survive with open wounds
Who knew healing would be painful
I thought it was supposed to get better
My body grows older
But mind remains stuck in the past
Wounds that break lose every so often
Wish it would stay shut forever
Verbalizing lies
wearing big smiles as disguise
I'm getting sick of this mask
On my face
Its all a lie
Every joke
Every laugh
is a fake
I'm tired of hiding  
Exhausted of being this actor
This character has me confused
I don’t know who I am anymore
Pass along all the medication
To cure me from this sickness
Feed me doses of hard core reality               
reality.....................
No one survives, you just live